Started moving some stuff. I still need to sell my fridge, tv, and… washing machine. Even if I don’t sell it. I need to dump it. Which… isn’t too difficult.
I moved my chairs and tables. So now I don’t even have a place to sit. I’m starting to feel. Uh. Sad? Anxious? Dread? Nostalgic? I don’t even know. Maybe the proper feeling is a little bit down. My perfect Japan life. I gotta leave it. Even though I knew I was gonna leave in a year. It’s like. Just when I hit my stride. It’s time to go. Kinda… sad.
I’m writing this on a really ghetto makeshift standing desk. It’s actually pretty functional. Just that the screen shakes when I type so I can’t do intense D3 on it since when I tried to run a rift on my dh I was getting motion sickness from the screen shaking so much.
But wow. In 5 days. FIVE DAYS. I’ll be gone. From Tokyo. My power and hydro will be cut. Life in Japan.. will become a memory. I guess. Sayonara sale within 5 days. Bleh.
Wow. It’s… my last week in Japan. I’ll be flying out to china September 1st… which is less than 7 days away. Damn. It still hasn’t fully sunk in yet. I still need to sell a lot of shit. But I’m sure everything will work out. I sold my RX 570 this morning to a super nice guy that met me at my desired location and time.
Yesterday, I hung out with my Japanese friends at a bar in Shibuya. Then we went to watch Gintama with Oguri Shun in Shinjuku. Wow. The movie was so great. The whole time I was thinking… wow. Fuck. My Japanese is so good. My Japanese is so good! I understand everything. Whoa. Mind blown. Then… after the movie the escalator down on leaving the theatre. It was like… you leave the theatre and enter the bright city lights of Shinjuku. It just felt… very magical. I mean. I’m so lucky to spend a year in Tokyo. The movie was great, went with boku no ii hito and my Japanese friends.
Also had curry in Shibuya for dinner. Me and a friend tried going to that place during lunchtime once and it was packed with a line… last night we just ate there and it was delicious. Delicious japanese curry. Sigh. I’ll miss it, but I definitely enjoyed my Japan life. I say I’ll miss it and I’m sure that I will. But I also miss north america. Pizza, and of course my dear dear phoenix chicken.
Gonna repost my ads on craigslist later. I’m actually looking forward to Mayweather vs McGregor. I think it’ll be extremely one sided but I’m excited either way. Last night after the movie… I stopped by a 7-eleven for two onigiri and a chocolate chip cookie. The chocolate chip cookies in Japan don’t compare to Canada’s president’s choice but they’re growing on me. It was a delicious late night snack. I’ll miss the convenience store onigiri. $3 for 2… and it’s better than anything in North America. Damn. Damn.
Well. I think it’s just like… when it’s summer you want winter and when it’s winter you want summer. In the end… you just gotta enjoy the present. And… my present is pretty great.
I finally got my stash tab for the D3 season. I feel pretty badass. Clearing a greater rift level 75 is surprisingly not that trivial. well. it’s trivial if you put in the proper hours and grind I guess. but… for the longest time… I was playing with a broken osx install that would just randomly hang. So I would reach the boss and then my computer would freeze and I would lose 10 minutes of my life. Or I’d be at the last bounty and my computer would freeze and then I’d lose 20 minutes of my life. what was dumb… was that I kept playing the game in that condition. It’s made me nervous. whenever there was a graphical slowdown. please don’t let it hang and me lose my progress. It was like this for 3 weeks. Then one day… it happened twice. I lost 30 minutes of my life consecutively. I was like. Fuck. This. Shit. and I fixed my OSX. since them the game never froze and I never lost progress. For the longest time… I was playing with a broken system. and that was fucking me up mentally and… in terms of the results. all it took was an hour of my life to take a step back. and fix it. that one hour probably could’ve saved me 20 hours had I done it sooner. it undoubtedly saved me 20 hours since. but it’s like. damn. sometimes you just need to take a step back and fix shit.
I’ve been… kinda sleep deprived recently. I’ve been getting weaker… and fatter… sleep deprived has been ruining my mood and uh… just making me negative and cranky. Today though… I just finished reading the secret. And I realized… I was attracting the negative sleep into my life… and the weakness and the excuses. I’ve been having shitty sleep and that makes me anxious and worried about the shitty sleep. And as a result I just keep getting shitty sleep. I just need to know that I can control my sleep and that I can give myself great sleep. I’m sure I’ll sleep like a baby tonight and feel great. I’ve been feeling weak… and struggling in the gym. I’m like barely late June level of fitness. Which is sad… it means that I spent two months regressing.
But it’s not true. The lack of sleep is just temporary. Once I fix the lack of sleep. My results and fitness will come back. I think… I keep thinking that I’ve hit a physical plateau… and my thinking is causing the plateau. It’s time to remove that thinking. There’s still some… negative thought patterns that I have… that I don’t catch right away, and it just… makes my life harder than it needs to be. It’s time for me to notice the negative thoughts and to … fix them earlier.
I killed a spider today. I had to wear gloves and shit. But… I think a large part of my fear of spiders is simply… the resistance and hate that I have towards it. It’s like… each time I kill a spider… it’s a struggle and that struggle and negativity actually makes it worse. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Honestly, it isn’t. I’ve killed so many spiders.
Man. It’s like. Life is just a serious of cycles and loops. Relearning what I’ve learned and reapplying it. It’s like. You fix your mistakes. Then you realize that there were more mistakes. That just repeats. I know I’ll never be perfect, but for now. To make my life better I just gotta be more aware, of my thoughts and actions.
I’m super thankful. My Japan year has been… almost perfect. It’s literally a dream come true.
I’ve been thinking about the struggle of selling my shit. I thought that it would be hard. And so far… there’s been no buyers. but. I KNOW that it’ll be easy. And worse case is I pay like $200 and throw all my shit away. Which I’m totally okay with. There’s no need to worry or be negative. I don’t give a fuck. Life is great.
I’ll find a great seller and life will move on. This is me. Thinking positive and attracting my future. I’ll sell all my shit by next week sunday. And be packed and all ready for China.
I’m actually looking forward to china and hong kong. I really miss pineapple oil. But. Life is great. You’ll always miss things. But. Appreciate what you got.
Just finished episode 4 of game of thrones. Damn. It’s so good. But more seriously… I had delicious breakfast and 3 slices of toast. I feel so fat.
Recently… I’ve been just playing way too much D3. It’s kinda bad. Way too much D3, horrible shitty sleep and delicious delicious food. I think… I’m just doing too much vacation. I told myself at the start of the year… I’d be okay with just wasting a year and playing video games and getting fat. So I guess… this is okay. But on the other hand… there’s still so much that I want to do. The fitness goals that I wanted to achieve for my year in Japan. While I don’t think it’s correct to say it’s now or never… I do think that this is probably the prime opportunity to train. Well. Prime time is always now. No time like the present.
I hit 91 on karaoke. I feel pretty badass. It was on a color/atsushi song. I got 88 and 89 on the JJ Song. My number one JJ song… so salty. So close… but it’s okay. I’m sure I’ll hit 90 by the end of August. It’s crazy. When I started I was only a 75 ~ 80. Now I’m actually like 85~90. Can’t wait til I’m consistently 90+. The thing is… while I envisioned myself singing great… it’s like. I couldn’t imagine it happening in three months. I mean. I could, but like… damn. The other night I was singing… and it was like. DAMN. I sound so fucking good. Then I preoceeded to mess up the subsequent verse cause I was too busy admiring my beautiful voice. www. Narcissist huh.
I went to yamagata and yonegawa. The village in the north. Oh. My yukata fireworks dream came true. It’s like… wow. There I was… having shaved ice. Wandering around the food stalls in yukata. Surreal man. It’s like. The fireworks were beautiful. The scenary was great. I feel like… there’ll be times when I’m alone and I can code and do cool shit. But for now… it’s okay to just enjoy the relationship and spoil myself. She dressed up in a red yukata. The moment I saw her in her red yukata was pretty doki doki and waku waku.
Only 30 days left before I gotta fly to hong kong because my visa is gonna expire. Haven’t really been meditating as much. But I think… my faith in future me is probably stronger than ever. Simply because… the present me delivered for past me. Somehow. Everything just turned out okay. I think future me will get me that luxury condo and S5 easy peasy. And Tesla. Gotta get me a tesla.
Recently I’ve just been enjoying and going with the flow. I guess two months of vacation out of my year isn’t too bad. Well. Treat yoself. I’ve actually been enjoying a lot of time off. I think… I would use to have this guilty feeling of enjoying time off… because I was raised that every moment should be used for productivity. But then… your life just feels so boring. For now… just enjoying each day. Everything’s good because that’s how I want it to be.
So this week I put in the request to cancel my lease. My lease officially ends September 15th. That’ll be the one year mark of when I moved into my place in Otsuka/Sugamo. Heh.
It’s kinda crazy. On one hand.. time seems to go by so slowly. Meditation this morning… was only 23 minutes but it felt so slow and long.
I finally got to go on the odaiba ferris wheel date. Man. My dreams came true lol. Living the P5 date in real life. I’m pretty lucky. Or… I actually don’t think it’s luck. I’m about halfway through the book the secret. And it’s crazy… whatever I did visualize… and want for my future. It has come true. I’ve experienced the secret results first hand without believing in it… so after reading it it just made my beliefs in it stronger.
I need to stop thinking so much about the future and just enjoy the present. But at the same time… my visualizations of my future are getting stronger. My NYC life is starting to become real in my mind.
No chance to read / practice more haskell. I just haven’t been blocking out my time efficiently. D3 has been way to… addicting. Even though I know it’s addicting. It’s still addicting. My Demon Hunter is almost paragon 400 in less time it took for my monk to reach… 300.
Going to be going to up north to yamagata for vacation weekend. I’ll get to see some of rural Japan I guess. That’ll be the final checklist of my year in tokyo. Almost.
Started watching the bachelor Japan. It’s too jokes. No subtitles but I can actually understand most of it. It’s pretty interesting. Then again… I’ve seen episodes of the english bachelor and I guess the interactions and dialogs are pretty much universal. Drama and jealousy / excitement etc etc.
Laundry just finished so I gotta go. Today is the big day. I hit 10km in June. It’s time for me to hit 50 minutes or 5/6 of 15km. Which is uh.. 12.5. Shit. 12.5 km in 45 minutes. Well. I’m gonna give myself an extra 5 minutes I guess so it should be easy and doable. Whatever. Die on the treadmill or success. That’s my mindset.
Sigh. So uh. I accidently deleted my post mid way and I’m sad. Now I gotta rewrite what I’ve written.
D3 is over. I’m over it. The season ended. Life sucks. Didn’t get my optimal monk gear that I wanted to play. Boo. Hoo. Actually. Life is pretty great. Right after D3 ended… my friend arrived. We went to Kobe and I got my dream picture with my Rin and Ron. Hehe. Too good. Dream came true lol.
Dad’s currently sleeping in my guest bedroom. He’s visiting from Canada and bought me my favorite chocolate chip cookies. President’s choice chocolate chip cookies. We had sukiya for dinner and the eel and beef bowl was so delicious.
I started dating this super cute girl that cooks and cleans for me. And also calls me goshujin~sama. It’s kinda crazy how it happened but things are going really well. I’m not meditating as much or exercising as well as I’d like though… but… I think that’s a conscious decision for now.
I’m working my way through the haskell programming book. Feels kinda basic for now. It doesn’t teach me the big three that I’m most interested in which are monads, functors and monoids. But I’m sure it’ll eventually teach me it.
I also started reading the secret. It’s a super cool self help / theory book. What’s funny is… it totally aligns with what I already believe in. So it’s just like… fuel to my beliefs I guess.
I can’t believe… it’s already close to mid July. Damn. Time… goes by too quickly. Blargh. Japan felt like…. forever in September/October. But now… it’s less than 7 weeks left. SEVEN WEEKS of Tokyo left. boo. hoo. I think the most important thing is to enjoy the time that I have left… and I’m definitely enjoying myself. I can do more programming and coding when I’m in China.
At the same time… maybe I’m not hustling hard enough? I mean. When I don’t get 8 hours of sleep… my gym / mental goes down. Hmmm. Sleep is too important. Trading sleep for hustle is… stupidity. This I know. This I know.
Also apparently there are 8 tones in Cantonese… which I didn’t even know. I speak Cantonese fluently… but today I learned.
Post D3 week was just too great. Kobe. Hit 10km on the treadmill for end of June. Bijin girlfriend. Dad visiting. Hella spoiled man. Life is good.
Sigh. I feel like puking. Today… I skipped meditation. The first in a long time. Because I was gonna be late to toudai. I feel like puking. I feel really gross. It’s a combination of sleeping shitty, playing lots of d3, and eating shitty. Fuck. It’s like… I’m an alcoholic and I just feel shitty.
Even as I wrote that. The thing I’m most looking forward to doing… is playing D3 for the next 24 hours. The season ends in 36 hours and my friend arrives in 24 hours. So. I won’t have to to play after tonight and tomorrow morning. Shiet. That’s kinda messed up. But at the same time… it’s like. I don’t even feel ashamed about it. It’s like. Fuck. I feel like shit. But I’mma play D3.
Sigh. I’m not even disappointed in myself. It’s like. I accept myself for all my flaws. LOL. I know I can do better. But… you can always do better. Run on the treadmill for one second more. Whatever. I’m rambling at this point.
The point of this post. I sleep shitty. I ate shitty. I feel like barfing and like shit. This is probably close to a hangover. Yet, all I wanna do is play D3. Deal with it.
I’m a badass. It was raining like crazy… I had the perfect excuse to stay home and play D3. But, I got my ass out in the rain and got to the gym. Ran 7km… not even close to what’s needed for my target next week so I’m kinda worried. Then again, I’m sleep deprived from playing too much D3.
I think I went… simply because I missed so many workouts recently. Vacation, then getting sick. Rain isn’t a good excuse since rain doesn’t actually prevent me from getting to the gym and working out. When I was struggling to walk in the rain… I saw like 4 year old kids in their rainsuits… and it made me feel weak. Then again… high school girls can run a 5 minute mile while I’m not even close. Urgh. Weak.
I haven’t been coding at all recently. I think… maybe it’s because I don’t want it enough? I really want to hit my fitness goals so I made it to the gym today. But maybe… I don’t really want to hit my app release goals? No. I definitely do. So the alternative is… my habits aren’t formed as strongly. I’ve been meditating everyday. Well. Some days are worse than others, but meditation always happens. Same thing with workouts and dance on the respective days.
But yet, my programming isn’t perfectly daily consistent with my scheduling. I gotta work on my programming habit I guess. But at the same time… I’ve done so much. Just working on it in bursts as I’ve ‘felt’ like it. Hmm. I do think little by little habit is the better way to go though.
Okay. I’m a badass. I didn’t succumb to D3 and went to the gym. Now. I’m just gonna let myself go a little bit crazy for now. The season ends this Friday… so in 2 days. Then there’ll be a month break. I’ll train myself. So that for next season when I make my second D3 character… I’ll be able to program in addition to working out and still have time for D3. Sigh. We’ll see. Maybe in one month I won’t even want to D3 since I’ll be back to my JRPGs. /shrug.
For now. Went to the gym. Meditated. Thought too much about D3. So gonna play. Life is good.
I installed D3 on my OSX machine. Sigh. I’m still surprised that I did it. I purposely avoided it on my last school term when it came out… since D2 took up way too much of my life and I knew that I have a tendency to be addicted to that type of game.
Sigh. D3 is like… perfection in terms of the dopamine hit. I basically played from 9pm~5am for the past 2 days. Wow. That’s 8 hours per day. Plus daytime. Sigh. I still don’t really get why I decided to install the game. It’s like. Why. WHY?! It slipped my mind. As in… I tricked myself somehow and here I am. But it’s nothing that I can’t handle.
Despite being sleep deprived. I went to the gym today. I actually managed to run 12 minutes at 15.1 km/h despite being sleep deprived, and recovering from post vacation. Whatever. I’m okay with taking a month off. But. It’s like. Damn. If only I could translate my D3 hours into productive programming time. If. Only.
JJ Lin style. There was so brilliant shit I wanted to write on how D3 is taking over my life but this time it’s different. Or. Whatever. It’s probably just because I’m an idiot. An idiot whose sleep deprived. Whatever. Time to level up my monk.
Wow. I just watched… soo crush classic live. Soo in his 6th GSL finals. It blows my mind. Shit. I can’t help but want to cheer for him.
But… at the same time. I gotta stop. Because Soo winning / losing is outside my control. I shouldn’t want something to happen either way. Whatever happens happens. That’s for the best. It’s a mixture of stoicism and surrender. I think that’s my new outlook on life.
Man. It’s like… ego vs letting go. But when you let go… to me my ego is telling me that it’s equivalent to giving up. Or not being able to make it. And there’s no way I’m not able to make it. I’ll always make it if it’s possible.. so it’s like. Conflict yo. Ego vs surrender. Accepting things as they are and not wanting a specific future. That’s kinda hard. I think it’s not the wanting that’s bad… it’s the grasping. Hard to explain. You can want to shape your future, but you gotta be okay with whatever happens. I really want Soo to win the finals. Honestly… it’s like a cycle. He looks unstoppable prior to the finals and then… he chokes / crashes. Blargh. Whatever. I guess I’m okay with him losing.
So I’m mostly recovered. Gonna have 2 solid hours to write some code today. After Phillippines I took another 6 day vacation recovering. I learned that physical sickness makes me mentally weak beyond belief. I guess shitting yourself will break you mentally. At the same time… now that I’m mostly recovered from the stomach virus or whatever. I feel all powered up. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I am a saiyan after all. I can feel my power rising. LOL. It’s like. Damn. I’m so strong now.
The mental thing. The feeling over my mental power getting stronger than before. It’s just… surprising I guess. I mean. Physically, you don’t go from 0 to beyond your max. But mentally, you can literally go from negative to like… an uber badass overnight. There’s like no mental limit to how strong you can become. Or. Is there? Either way… I’m feeling pretty unstoppable right about now.
So. To conclude. Physical sickness makes me mentally weak. I guess mental sickness would make me mentally weak… but to my knowledge I have no mental sickness. I’m back. Stronger and better than ever. Heh.
I’m just gonna post an embarassing story… I guess I gotta write about the good and the bad and just be true to myself. I don’t think there’s a moral to this story… well there might be. There probably is but anyways… here’s the story.
I went to the Phillippines and uh… on the day that all my friends left I decided to stay an extra night at the 5 star hotel. I woke up and my pee was super yellow so I was really dehydrated… I didn’t know why but whatever. Then I took a dump and it was all liquid… so I guess that explains the dehydration.
The next night… I didn’t really pay much attention. But what happened was… I basically woke up and there was liquid shit in my boxers and bed. Urgh. Fucking gross. So yeah. I shit my bed. I think I ate something bad or whatever… but no big deal. I tough it out for 3 days and then I’m recovered. Life is good. Except.
At this point I’m thinking. I’ve made it. I’m recovered. My gut has the necessary bacteria. I’m basically a local now. I can eat street food and drink tap water. Horrible. Fucking. Idea. So then when I was recovered I got a bit more adventurous with my food and drinks.
I’ve been in Japan for two days now. Yesterday was really bad and this morning I woke up to shitting my bed in Tokyo. Urgh. Fucking gross. I don’t even know… it’s like. When I’m awake I don’t shit myself, but when I’m asleep I guess the shit just leaks out? Either way.. the virus is ruining my plans.
I was planning to be super productive when I got back to Tokyo. Writing lots of code and shit. Now… I’m like super dehydrated but I don’t wanna drink water because it’ll probably get shat out. Urgh. So thirsty… I don’t even wanna play video games. I just wanna be healthy. Blargh.
So uh. The moral of the story is. Don’t get cocky. Sigh. If only I was safe and didn’t get a second dose of whatever the crap was. Or… all your plans goes to shit when you get sick. Blargh. I guess for now I just gotta go with the flow. No big deal. Nothing I can’t handle. Surrender to the universe and me shitting myself at night. No big deal. =_=
Pretty embarassing. But more… that I feel that my days have been wasted. Urgh. Okay. Gonna go back to watch welcome to NHK now.
I’m finally back home. I just showered. Life is good. Life is always good.
You know for all the bureaucracy and paperwork that I complain about in Tokyo, getting through the airport is actually quite fast. Both leaving haneda and getting back in. Then again I travel at off times. Sigh. I kinda want to complain about travel again. It’s like… one on hand technology is so amazing. Kings in the past couldn’t travel on airplanes cause they didn’t exist. On the other hand, the terrorists have won. Why the hell you gotta take off your shoes. Also, why you gotta separate your fucking laptop?! That.. just blows my mind. It’s like… such a pain in the fucking ass. Okay. I was gonna rant more, but don’t wanna be put on the government watchlist for having terrorist, bomb and rant in the same sentence. Whoops, wrote it anyways.
Japan is my temporary home. Do I want it to be my permanent home? Hmmmm. I don’t think I could handle the culture here… I guess it could be my permanent home if I could afford a luxury condo, and not have to work in a Japanese company. But I guess that doesn’t really matter either way for now.
It’s strange I guess. That Japan is my home. My current home. I miss my SF home. My SF home was so good. But… I had to leave. Soon, I’ll have to leave my Tokyo home. Then I’ll be homeless until New York. Sigh. I’m gonna be homeless.
I haven’t meditated or coded in awhile so I’m stoked to do both this week. It’s like… vacation was a big reset. Hmmmm. What’s it called. I just looked at the damage on my credit card. It’s not that bad. But, I definitely treated myself. I think the total damage was 2k over 10 days. Which is 200 usd per day. Which is… way over my daily budget. The massages were so good. I’m recovered now from my cardio death. Time to run and do weights and code. I guess it’s worth it. Time will tell.
I missed the French Open live, but I’m happy that Rafa won. I’ve always been a fan. Brute force Rafa over graceful Federer.
Vacation time just feels… so different. Even though I know time passes at the exact same rate regardless. Vacation time is a big time bend. The 10 days… just felt longer than… the usual 10 days in Japan. Crazy huh. Well. Gonna wind down for bed and get ready to crush it. Heh. Waku Waku wa~
Wow. I got Milk Tea delievered for $6. It’s been awhile since I had boba delivered. I guess… the Postmates business model wouldn’t work in the Phillipines. Or maybe… it’ll work super well because… I dunno. But delivery is so cheap. Everything is so cheap. Apparently minimum wage in Phillippines is… 400 per day which is like. $10 usd. So the average person makes $400 usd in a month. Wow. Mind. Blown.
It’s my last day in the Phillippines. Just chilling in the hotel room and uh waiting to watch the SSL. Solar vs Innovation. I got Innovation winning by overwhelming force. Since my friends left I’ve been having the chillest vacation. I got a massage today. For $30 you get a 2 hour massage. I can’t believe I spent like $200 for a massage in ‘murica.
I was suppose to do some ios programming in the Phillippines… but in the end it didn’t happen. Because… maybe it’s the environment. Afterall, I’m on vacation. But I did pack 5 volumes of YuYu Hakusho and I managed to read 5 volumes in the 10 days that I’ve been here.
The morning coffee + sandwich is the best. I go to this place that is like 10 minutes from the hotel. I’m the only person in the store so it feels very chill and super exclusive. For $6 I get breakfast and delicious delicious coffee. The matcha latte and chai latte are both really good. I’m impressed by the quality of the coffee. The food is meh. But for $6, the food plus environment is the shit. Man. I’m so spoiled.
I definitely got super fat though. I’ve been eating pork belly almost every meal. No exercise. But right before I think I hit 35 minutes at 15.1 so this 10 days was a decent recovery. I’m looking forward to resuming my usual cycle and going all out at the gym. With my almost daily massages as recovery. I think I’m all set to push myself.
I’ve also been watching alot of Dragon Ball Super. I went from episode 1 ~ 75 during my time in the Phillippines. I feel like… there’s too much filler / junk. A lot of the power levels don’t make sense. How can Android 17 face Super Saiyan God Goku. Like. WTF. Sigh. That said. I’m actally enjoying it quite much. It’s like. Nostalgia plus… everyone likes a tournament arc. Especially the battle tournament.
YuYu Hakusho is so good. It’s… pretty much masterclass shounen. Togashi sensei is indeed a god. I’m not religious so… god is just sublime skill in this case. I wish Hunter x Hunter would resume. Hunter X Hunter is like… the successor and better version to a masterpiece. It’s sad but I’m already on volume 17 of Yu Yu Hakusho which means only 2 volumes before it ends. On the plus side… once I finish… I’ll have completed one of my goals which is to read an entirely new manga series in Japanese. I feel pretty badass.
I mean. When I first wrote out my Japanese learning goals. Being able to karaoke in Japanese, reading an entire manga series, playing a Japanese video game and understanding everything. It felt… really far. But then I played Persona 5 and got half of it in my first try. I beat the game understanding only half of it. Well. Probably more. But I missed a lot of the finer details. And then three playthroughs later… I’m understanding pretty much all of Persona 5. It’s just… I made the jump.
With Haskell. I’m currently reading a book. This book should hopefully get me over the hump of haskell. I feel like… I’m so close. With Haskell… I can feel my powers growing. Like. I’m one or two a-ha moments away from being mind blown and in love with Haskell. I mean. I already appreciate it to a great extend. Just writing haskell and seeing my work… it brings a smile to my face. That I can almost appreciate other people’s Haskell code. I’m waku waku.
It’s already mid June. Kinda scary. I only have 2.5 months left of Tokyo. DAMN. DAMN. When I first moved here it was like… I have an entire year. So much time to kill. Now it’s like…. only 2.5 months. Shiet son. Shiet.
One other thing I want to quickly write about is. Shit. I’m kinda worried that people will think I’m crazy. But whatever. I read somewhere that once people think you’re crazy or once your diagnosed as crazy you can’t prove your sanity. So whatever. Fuck it. I’m crazy. I walked about 2 km from the hotel to the mall. And the roads here… it’s like really narrow. So the sidewalk and the road is almost touching. The cars drive by probably less than 10 cm from you.
So during the entire walk from the hotel to the mall. My brain kept telling me I was gonna die. It was like. Every second I was super nervous and anxious. Like. Fuck. You gonna die. You gonna die. Which is.. stupid because I did the walk 3 times and I never died. Yet, my brain kept telling me I was gonna die. Sigh. Why brain why. Why you no be helpful. It’s like… the signals I’m getting is totally useless to what I want to do. In fact, it’s worse than useless, it’s a net negative cause I gotta tell myself I’m gonna live while doing the walk. So I’m walking with less available attention. I lived. So I guess that’s good.
That’s it for now. Gonna go watch Innovation crush Solar followed by hopefully the uh… big tournament in Dragon Ball Super. Oh yeah. I just wanted to write that it was great that Future Trunks didn’t turn out to be a weakling and that he beat Dabura. Cause… in my mind. Kid Gohan > Cell > Dabura. And Future Trunks SSJ2 > Kid Gohan > Dabura which is good.
It’s good when my crazy theories gets validated. Yep. I’m crazy. Deal with it.
Just watching dragon ball super in my hotel when I suffered 3 mega mosquito bites. It was super itchy. I stopped watching and tried in vain to hunt and murk the mosquito. My itch was so strong, I needed to murk something. But then I thought back to meditation on the ocean. When I meditated I just let the mosquitoes bite me. I guess, it’s nature. That’s what mosquitoes do. Bite people which causes itching.
When you meditate, you just see things as they are. When you remove the ‘suffering’ or the judging it just gets… easier. I tried so hard to fight the itch, and to murk something. But when I just gave up and accepted things as they are… without forcing. The itch actually subsided. When I tried to fight the itch, when the emotions were strong the itch was strong. The more I struggled the more I felt like the itch was present.
When I just gave up and accepted it. The itch… actually felt less. It’s like… not as much in my consciousness. Meditation. Brain power. Focus. Heh.
So I guess. Just let things be as they are. Or… if it’s already happened. Let it go~. hue. hue. hue.
I’m writing this post at Movenpick in Cebu. It’s a 5 star hotel. What’s funny is… It’s actually not that expensive. Actually, I don’t know. I actually don’t know how much it costs. I just put it on my credit card. America way of life?
My friends all left and I’m all alone here for the next 6 days. I wanted to do some ios programming since it’s uh… I’ll pretty much have nothing to do but we’ll see. I have a feeling that I’ll end up doing nothing simply because it’s vacation and treat yoself.
I went parasailing and scuba diving. Parasailing… was so much fun. I was really nervous because I have a fear of heights… I mean. Logically, I know that there’s nothing to be scared of because at that point there’s nothing that I can control. But I think there’s the animal brain that kept me on edge… it was a really weird experience. The views were beautiful. I guess it’s good that I’m not scared trying crazy new things no more.
Scuba diving… haha. It was actually amazing. I tried snorkling and didn’t really enjoy it because the straw would occasionally angle downwards and you’d inhale seawater. But, scuba uses the same mouthpiece without ever having seawater come in from the tank. Unless you did something wrong, which I didn’t. Scuba diving actually reminded me of meditation because it’s deep breaths and calm. Focus on the breathing and the surroundings. Scuba was over so fast… I guess it’s a sign that I entered flow state that scuba managed to go by so quickly.
My chinese is uh, getting really rusty. We were playing chinese based games and there was a whose handwriting is it game. My chinese was so bad that it was obvious the bad handwriting belonged to me. Also, there was a face pointing game and I mixed up eyebrows / eyelashes in chinese.
Phillipines so far was just 3 days with friends followed by 6 days alone. It feels very… similar. It’s like, everyone talks about the cycle of life and how life just goes in cycles and levels. It reminds me of a Carlos Condit interview I think. You go up a level, but you’re still going in the same circle. I grew a lot and I’m a much better person, but it still feels eerily similar.
I got to meditate on the beach at night. Mosquitoes were biting me and I just let them. The night sky and the sound of the waves of the ocean. It was a pretty amazing meditation… but it’s still the same meditation. One where my mind wanders into thoughts of fears, past and the future. Then a security guard came and told me to go back to the hotel cause it’s not safe at night. You know what’s weird. People calling me sir. I think I still associate with being a poor bum so being in a nice establishment and being called sir is kinda weird. I got a 30% discount for using my chased united visa card for the buffet dinner, that was surprising. It’s weird because at that level you don’t really care about the discount. It’s like when I first moved to SF and there were free meals and free t shirts everywhere. Why couldn’t the free meals and tshirts exist for when I was a poor college student?
I think it’s like, at each level you want the next level and you take for granted the level you’ve achieved. Free meals and tshirts… I should still be thankful and happy as if I were still a poor college student. Maybe. I dunno. This vacation was amazing. But I still want more. It’s like. I’m not sure if it’s just me or if it’s just everyone. But I always want more and I’m always reaching and grasping. Having read the meditation and philosophy on ways of thinking. I know that reaching and wanting things a certain way isn’t good. When you try to force the universe to bend to your will it’s usually beyond your control. But on the other hand, other people have done it and succeeded so why can’t I? I know that I can do what others have done.
What’s weird is that… my past/future feels exactly the same as when I left SF. Or when I was thinking about leaving SF. There’s always two paths… or more. Well, there’s probably more since each decision affects the future. The two choices for me are to struggle and chase greatness. Struggle to make my dreams come true. Or, to just settle and enjoy the life the way that it happens. I always lean towards the struggle and greatness but the allure of the normal and stable life. It’s quite strong. So many people live that life.
I guess in the end it doesn’t matter. Everyone dies. So just enjoy the present. You spend your whole life chasing and then you look back and it’s like. Wow. Now I’m old.
The note to myself is. Always try and do more, but it’s okay to take it easy from time to time. Try to bend the universe to your will but if it doesn’t happen it’s okay.