milk tea delivered for

2017-06-10 19:14:04 +0000

Wow. I got Milk Tea delievered for $6. It’s been awhile since I had boba delivered. I guess… the Postmates business model wouldn’t work in the Phillipines. Or maybe… it’ll work super well because… I dunno. But delivery is so cheap. Everything is so cheap. Apparently minimum wage in Phillippines is… 400 per day which is like. $10 usd. So the average person makes $400 usd in a month. Wow. Mind. Blown.

It’s my last day in the Phillippines. Just chilling in the hotel room and uh waiting to watch the SSL. Solar vs Innovation. I got Innovation winning by overwhelming force. Since my friends left I’ve been having the chillest vacation. I got a massage today. For $30 you get a 2 hour massage. I can’t believe I spent like $200 for a massage in ‘murica.

I was suppose to do some ios programming in the Phillippines… but in the end it didn’t happen. Because… maybe it’s the environment. Afterall, I’m on vacation. But I did pack 5 volumes of YuYu Hakusho and I managed to read 5 volumes in the 10 days that I’ve been here.

The morning coffee + sandwich is the best. I go to this place that is like 10 minutes from the hotel. I’m the only person in the store so it feels very chill and super exclusive. For $6 I get breakfast and delicious delicious coffee. The matcha latte and chai latte are both really good. I’m impressed by the quality of the coffee. The food is meh. But for $6, the food plus environment is the shit. Man. I’m so spoiled.

I definitely got super fat though. I’ve been eating pork belly almost every meal. No exercise. But right before I think I hit 35 minutes at 15.1 so this 10 days was a decent recovery. I’m looking forward to resuming my usual cycle and going all out at the gym. With my almost daily massages as recovery. I think I’m all set to push myself.

I’ve also been watching alot of Dragon Ball Super. I went from episode 1 ~ 75 during my time in the Phillippines. I feel like… there’s too much filler / junk. A lot of the power levels don’t make sense. How can Android 17 face Super Saiyan God Goku. Like. WTF. Sigh. That said. I’m actally enjoying it quite much. It’s like. Nostalgia plus… everyone likes a tournament arc. Especially the battle tournament.

YuYu Hakusho is so good. It’s… pretty much masterclass shounen. Togashi sensei is indeed a god. I’m not religious so… god is just sublime skill in this case. I wish Hunter x Hunter would resume. Hunter X Hunter is like… the successor and better version to a masterpiece. It’s sad but I’m already on volume 17 of Yu Yu Hakusho which means only 2 volumes before it ends. On the plus side… once I finish… I’ll have completed one of my goals which is to read an entirely new manga series in Japanese. I feel pretty badass.

I mean. When I first wrote out my Japanese learning goals. Being able to karaoke in Japanese, reading an entire manga series, playing a Japanese video game and understanding everything. It felt… really far. But then I played Persona 5 and got half of it in my first try. I beat the game understanding only half of it. Well. Probably more. But I missed a lot of the finer details. And then three playthroughs later… I’m understanding pretty much all of Persona 5. It’s just… I made the jump.

With Haskell. I’m currently reading a book. This book should hopefully get me over the hump of haskell. I feel like… I’m so close. With Haskell… I can feel my powers growing. Like. I’m one or two a-ha moments away from being mind blown and in love with Haskell. I mean. I already appreciate it to a great extend. Just writing haskell and seeing my work… it brings a smile to my face. That I can almost appreciate other people’s Haskell code. I’m waku waku.

It’s already mid June. Kinda scary. I only have 2.5 months left of Tokyo. DAMN. DAMN. When I first moved here it was like… I have an entire year. So much time to kill. Now it’s like…. only 2.5 months. Shiet son. Shiet.

One other thing I want to quickly write about is. Shit. I’m kinda worried that people will think I’m crazy. But whatever. I read somewhere that once people think you’re crazy or once your diagnosed as crazy you can’t prove your sanity. So whatever. Fuck it. I’m crazy. I walked about 2 km from the hotel to the mall. And the roads here… it’s like really narrow. So the sidewalk and the road is almost touching. The cars drive by probably less than 10 cm from you.

So during the entire walk from the hotel to the mall. My brain kept telling me I was gonna die. It was like. Every second I was super nervous and anxious. Like. Fuck. You gonna die. You gonna die. Which is.. stupid because I did the walk 3 times and I never died. Yet, my brain kept telling me I was gonna die. Sigh. Why brain why. Why you no be helpful. It’s like… the signals I’m getting is totally useless to what I want to do. In fact, it’s worse than useless, it’s a net negative cause I gotta tell myself I’m gonna live while doing the walk. So I’m walking with less available attention. I lived. So I guess that’s good.

That’s it for now. Gonna go watch Innovation crush Solar followed by hopefully the uh… big tournament in Dragon Ball Super. Oh yeah. I just wanted to write that it was great that Future Trunks didn’t turn out to be a weakling and that he beat Dabura. Cause… in my mind. Kid Gohan > Cell > Dabura. And Future Trunks SSJ2 > Kid Gohan > Dabura which is good.

It’s good when my crazy theories gets validated. Yep. I’m crazy. Deal with it.


2017-06-08 00:03:48 +0000

Just watching dragon ball super in my hotel when I suffered 3 mega mosquito bites. It was super itchy. I stopped watching and tried in vain to hunt and murk the mosquito. My itch was so strong, I needed to murk something. But then I thought back to meditation on the ocean. When I meditated I just let the mosquitoes bite me. I guess, it’s nature. That’s what mosquitoes do. Bite people which causes itching.

When you meditate, you just see things as they are. When you remove the ‘suffering’ or the judging it just gets… easier. I tried so hard to fight the itch, and to murk something. But when I just gave up and accepted things as they are… without forcing. The itch actually subsided. When I tried to fight the itch, when the emotions were strong the itch was strong. The more I struggled the more I felt like the itch was present.

When I just gave up and accepted it. The itch… actually felt less. It’s like… not as much in my consciousness. Meditation. Brain power. Focus. Heh.

So I guess. Just let things be as they are. Or… if it’s already happened. Let it go~. hue. hue. hue.

5 star hotel in cebu

2017-06-05 09:51:01 +0000

I’m writing this post at Movenpick in Cebu. It’s a 5 star hotel. What’s funny is… It’s actually not that expensive. Actually, I don’t know. I actually don’t know how much it costs. I just put it on my credit card. America way of life?

My friends all left and I’m all alone here for the next 6 days. I wanted to do some ios programming since it’s uh… I’ll pretty much have nothing to do but we’ll see. I have a feeling that I’ll end up doing nothing simply because it’s vacation and treat yoself.

I went parasailing and scuba diving. Parasailing… was so much fun. I was really nervous because I have a fear of heights… I mean. Logically, I know that there’s nothing to be scared of because at that point there’s nothing that I can control. But I think there’s the animal brain that kept me on edge… it was a really weird experience. The views were beautiful. I guess it’s good that I’m not scared trying crazy new things no more.

Scuba diving… haha. It was actually amazing. I tried snorkling and didn’t really enjoy it because the straw would occasionally angle downwards and you’d inhale seawater. But, scuba uses the same mouthpiece without ever having seawater come in from the tank. Unless you did something wrong, which I didn’t. Scuba diving actually reminded me of meditation because it’s deep breaths and calm. Focus on the breathing and the surroundings. Scuba was over so fast… I guess it’s a sign that I entered flow state that scuba managed to go by so quickly.

My chinese is uh, getting really rusty. We were playing chinese based games and there was a whose handwriting is it game. My chinese was so bad that it was obvious the bad handwriting belonged to me. Also, there was a face pointing game and I mixed up eyebrows / eyelashes in chinese.

Phillipines so far was just 3 days with friends followed by 6 days alone. It feels very… similar. It’s like, everyone talks about the cycle of life and how life just goes in cycles and levels. It reminds me of a Carlos Condit interview I think. You go up a level, but you’re still going in the same circle. I grew a lot and I’m a much better person, but it still feels eerily similar.

I got to meditate on the beach at night. Mosquitoes were biting me and I just let them. The night sky and the sound of the waves of the ocean. It was a pretty amazing meditation… but it’s still the same meditation. One where my mind wanders into thoughts of fears, past and the future. Then a security guard came and told me to go back to the hotel cause it’s not safe at night. You know what’s weird. People calling me sir. I think I still associate with being a poor bum so being in a nice establishment and being called sir is kinda weird. I got a 30% discount for using my chased united visa card for the buffet dinner, that was surprising. It’s weird because at that level you don’t really care about the discount. It’s like when I first moved to SF and there were free meals and free t shirts everywhere. Why couldn’t the free meals and tshirts exist for when I was a poor college student?

I think it’s like, at each level you want the next level and you take for granted the level you’ve achieved. Free meals and tshirts… I should still be thankful and happy as if I were still a poor college student. Maybe. I dunno. This vacation was amazing. But I still want more. It’s like. I’m not sure if it’s just me or if it’s just everyone. But I always want more and I’m always reaching and grasping. Having read the meditation and philosophy on ways of thinking. I know that reaching and wanting things a certain way isn’t good. When you try to force the universe to bend to your will it’s usually beyond your control. But on the other hand, other people have done it and succeeded so why can’t I? I know that I can do what others have done.

What’s weird is that… my past/future feels exactly the same as when I left SF. Or when I was thinking about leaving SF. There’s always two paths… or more. Well, there’s probably more since each decision affects the future. The two choices for me are to struggle and chase greatness. Struggle to make my dreams come true. Or, to just settle and enjoy the life the way that it happens. I always lean towards the struggle and greatness but the allure of the normal and stable life. It’s quite strong. So many people live that life.

I guess in the end it doesn’t matter. Everyone dies. So just enjoy the present. You spend your whole life chasing and then you look back and it’s like. Wow. Now I’m old.

The note to myself is. Always try and do more, but it’s okay to take it easy from time to time. Try to bend the universe to your will but if it doesn’t happen it’s okay.

30 minutes at 15.1

2017-05-29 20:03:36 +0000

I am a badass. I ran 30 minutes at 15.1. It was a strange experience. So I did 3 minutes of warm up between 11~13. Then went to 15.1 km/h and just ran. At minute 25 or so… man. It felt like I was gonna die. That I was liable to fall off the treadmill. Even though… I don’t think that would happen. So what happened is that I turned down the elevation to 0. I normally run with 1% elevation… even with the elevation lowered… I still felt like death. So what happened was… I gripped the handle bars for 15 seconds… then let go for 45 seconds. Between minute 25 ~ 33. So uh… I did that for 8 whole minutes. Where I would grip the handle bar to try and recover some stamina and slow down my breathing. Heh. Too jokes. Well. I told myself that I’d… run for 30 minutes today… at 15.1 or die trying. And I guess I made my goal even though I took advantage of using the bars. Which was bad… but it’s a weird feeling.

Running on the treadmill. It legitimately felt like I was gonna die… or just slow down trip and faceplant. But - if you asked me beforehand… to bet if I’d die or live. I’d bet my entire net worth on me living after 30 minutes at 15.1 with a 1% incline. Even if you take away the fact that if I died… it wouldn’t matter that I’m broke. Suppose that there was a phoenix down available so that I’d come back alive but broke. I’d still bet everything on me being alive. Anyways… I ran for the 30 minutes at 15.1. Next month is 40 minutes. Then by August.. I’ll hit the 60 minutes.

Uh. Pretty intense huh. I’ve skipped a few sessions of streaming haskell. It’s because… I can’t see the way forward. I still don’t completely understand monoids, functors, applicative functors and monads. It’s like… debugging. When you don’t know the cause/bug. It’s impossible, you just gotta keep looking. But as soon as you find it, figure it out… it becomes really easy. It’s binary. I think… you just need to have faith. I do have faith. I’m sure that I’ll eventually figure out all the greatness that haskell has to offer… but I guess… it’s just always a struggle. Like how running on the treadmill is a struggle.

Okay. Just do it. Time to stream Haskell. Even if it’s me just not writing any code and struggling. It’s time put into struggling… which I believe will make me stronger. Heh.

fitbit broke and struggling to run

2017-05-22 20:02:30 +0000

My fitbit broke. I’m too cheap / lazy to buy a new one. I do want some type of heart monitoring for running, but… now that it’s gone I guess it’s back to being all mental. I mean… before fitbit I trained for a marathon blindly without knowing my heart rate… and I’m sure I can train blindly now. It’ll be fine.

I was randomly thinking about BJ Penn again. I remember writing about an article about how BJ Penn wasted his talents and that he had the ability to be the GOAT. I’ve been reading on the shortness of life. I think… people, myself included, just take things in the present for granted and then… it’s hard to face reality. It’s a combination of the world constantly evolving and the fact that time only moves forward. So at some point in time you’ll deterioriate and for me I feel like I’m just making bullshit excuses.

I mean, I’m the strongest and fastest that I’ve ever been. At the same time… it’s like. If only I had the present discipline in the past… I wonder what I could’ve been able to do. Instead of training for a shitty marathon time in 4 months I could’ve done so much more. /shrug.

So recently, I’ve been planning the rest of my time in Japan. It’s uh… shit son. June, July, August. That’s it. 90 days. Shit. 90 days, before my perfect schedule is over. Fuck. It’s like… I took it for granted. Sure, I’m hella productive… I already released 3 android apps on the play store, and I’m coding new backend features for something that I want to build. But at the same time… I spend 3 hours per day watching anime.

I mean… at some point your physical ability drops, and even now. Maybe I’m not fully pushing myself. I guess… I’m scared of growing old and wasting time. On the other hand, it’s not like I can be in the gym 24/7. It’s not that I’m scared of growing old, or even death. I mean. Death is inevitable because science is advancing slowly and the cure for aging won’t happen in my lifetime.

I forgot what I wanted to write. In my mind I had this brilliant piece of writing comparing myself to BJ Penn. I think I’m trying my best. But… maybe I’m not. And it’ll be too late when I actually put in 100% mental percent. Well. I do subscribe to the philosophy of there’s a right way, wrong way, and my way. And I do things my way. So in the end… it’s all good. Hakuna matata.

ramen making me fat

2017-05-20 22:26:57 +0000

I’m getting fatter. Ohs no. But seriously, I’m the fattest I’ve ever been. It’s not surprising considering the fact that I’ve recently started eating extra large ramen 3 days a week. Thursday/Saturdays/Sundays are now ramen lunch days. Which is definitely not healthy. I also reduced my interval running and running in general since I was worried about overtraining causing me to not improve. We’ll see what happens after my vacation in the phillipines.

I started reading how time just goes by. On the shortness of life. It’s a pretty interesting book. It basically talks about how everyone feels like they’ll live forever, and then when it’s too late that they realized that their lives has passed them. Today, I was thinking about skipping jpop dance class. I didn’t skip, but a part of me really wanted to stay home and do nothing. Hard to explain why… I feel like doing nothing is literally the default state for me. Not sure if it’s just me or if it extends to humans in general. Probably just me. Anyways, I went to jpop dance class and of course, it was lots of fun. I got a solid dose of exercise. I didn’t want to do my sauna/ice bath/jacuzzi cycle. Actually, I always do enjoy it. And I look forward to it, but yet… I don’t really want to do it. Since… sauna is really hot, and ice bath is really cold. But then… the jacuzzi afterwards just feels so amazing. On my last cycle, I was just sitting alone in the manmade onsen. The place was so beautiful. I was all alone, enjoying the onsen. I could hear the train in the background, feel the breeze and just… it was a moment in the present that I really enjoyed. I wish I could capture the moment forever, I noticed it and tried to etch it into my memory. Me, living in Japan, relaxing after jpop dance and the cycle. The onsen, it’s just so amazing. I’m so thankful. And yet, right before that point in time… I didn’t even want to go to jpop dance class.

I recently finished reading the aziz anzari book on modern romance. It was a pretty interesting read, especially the part about Japan. There was a passage that stuck out to me, it’s was like. Comparing passionate love to compassionate love or whatever. There’s no point in chasing the passionate love all the time because it would be the equivalent of doing cocaine or ecstasy all the time. And of course, I agree. It doesn’t make sense to be doing cocaine all the time or whatever, but it made me think about my doing nothing. I mean… my default is doing nothing. In a way, the best thing that I enjoy is doing nothing. But if you told me that I could do nothing everyday for the rest of my life I’d be like… fuck. That be the same as just killing myself. It’s pointless and stupid.

So in a way it’s a weird paradox. I wanna do nothing all the time. But then, if I get to do nothing all the time it’d be dumb as fuck. It’s weird because… I really want to do nothing a lot of the time. Well, tomorrow I’m gonna be going to toudai for a festival. I’m pretty excited for that actually. It’s a once a year event at toudai. It’s like the toudai culture festival. Heh. And the reason that I found out about the culture festival is because… I started going to weekly toudai lunch activity where toudai people get together to just have lunch and chat. How did I start going to the toudai weekly gathering? Well, I went to a party that my friend invited me to - met a toudai phd student and asked him to show me around toudai. Wait, how did I meet the guy that organized the party? Oh. I met him at a Christmas party I went to with my friend who was visiting from America.

Funny right. All I wanna do is stay home and play video games… and yet tomorrow I have one of my most anticipated events which happened through a series of me leaving the house and not playing video games. So I think… in the end it’s all about discipline. You gotta do what you know is right or good even when you don’t feel like it.

Want to know something else that’s funny that I never thought I’d think or write about while on vacation in Japan? I was… “too tired to play video games”. Yep, I thought that and wrote that. I was too tired to play video games. What. The. Fuck. I’ve been getting…. 7~9 hours of sleep every day. I can take naps whenever I want. I eat whenever I want… and yet… I’m too tired to play video games. On vacation. In Japan. Uh. Yeah. That’s something that if you asked me if it was possible… I’d be no. That’s not. But… yeah. It happened. That… blows my mind.

Oh yeah. Back to getting fat. Shit. I’m old now. I’m almost 28. It’s the age where your metabolism slows down and people get fat. You know what’s funny? Metabolism slowing down only happens to other people, it wouldn’t happen to me. I actually thought that… when I saw that happen to my older friends. It’s like… pssh, it won’t happen to me. Even though I know it will.

I have a vision of what I want, and I work towards it. But I’m still always pulled by procrastination… and doing nothing. Well, I guess the good news is that I’m definitely getting better. I think now I’m at probably 4/7 days a week of commiting code to my side projects. I’m close to finishing Haskell 101. But it’s like… damn. Why do I still prefer to do nothing over working. Even though I enjoy working. Like… coding in my room, sennheiser 650… fridge stocked with goods. It’s the dream. And yet, I rather do nothing. The ultimate Alan paradox.

Oh yeah. The other day, I had an ice cream bar, a green tea ice cream sandwich, and a strawberry ice cream cone. Because, fuck it. Treat yoself. My fridge was stocked. Sigh. And I wonder why I struggle to run and that I’m getting fatter. /shrug. On the other hand… I hit a new personal deadlift record. I’m the fastest that I’ve ever been. Heh. I guess I’m still on the up and up. So life is good.

Well. Gonna play some video games and watch some anime. Life is pretty good. :)

wow... time just flies

2017-05-15 19:51:02 +0000

Uh. So. I kinda took a one week break. I basically spent one week doing… nothing? Not doing real work… or studying haskell. I still read some manga… but I actually have no idea how I spent my time. Probably just wasted on hacker news.

But it’s fixed now. Because I went to the gym today. I think having habits and good routine that you can fall back on just eventually resets you back towards the path. I ran for 15 minutes at 15.1 km/h. So… 25% of the way towards my 60 minute goal. Except… I should be 66% of the way there since… it’s already mid may and uh… I only have 33% of Tokyo time left. Damn. DAMN. Time goes by so fast.

There’s been an article that I’ve been meaning to read. But I still haven’t gotten to reading. On the shortness of life by Lucious Seneca. I mean. Perception of time is just… it’s been studied but I think everyone feels time differently, even though time is the same for everyone. I mean… running that 20 minutes on the treadmill… feels like forever. Sitting in the sauna for only 8 minutes… feels like forever. But then watching anime on netflix.. time goes by so fast.

I mean… it felt like just… recently that I moved to Japan and was playing Persona 5. It blew my mind. And suddenly it’s May and I’ve put in over 100 hours into Persona 5. Heh. Yeah. Well. I’m gonna work on lesson 8 of Haskell. I think I’m almost done with the whole course. The last 2 assignments… I’m just gonna try and learn from the solutions because I’ve struggled enough. I think… struggle -> solution is better learning anyways. I guess learning my own way is why I’m enjoying it much more than my actualy university experience. Oh man. The actual university experience is just so… bad. Like… if I had to be graded on this stupidity… I’d just be so sad. But since I’m learning just for learning it feels so much better.

I recently discovered the scoring on karaoke machines. Can’t wait til I can hit the 90 points. That’s my goal. 90 points. My mind is blown… the people that I’ve been going to karaoke with… they all hit 90. Dafaq. I think it’s a combination of me being bad and also them being good. It makes the gap look much bigger. But it’s okay. I know that through effort and practice I’ll reach 90 points. I think that’s the most important lesson. That hard work and persistance can get you to 90% of pro.

As for the last 10%… I dunno. I think you just gotta be obsessed and crazy. Really into it. If you aren’t really into it. You won’t ever reach the pinnacle. Which. Is okay for certain things. Okay. Time to Haskell.

sweet paradise

2017-05-05 19:19:23 +0000

Yesterday I went to Sweet Paradise, it’s a all you can eat dessert place. Omg. Mind blown. Too jokes. It was so delicious. It’s funny that… 70 minutes just goes by so fast. I probably ate too much but it was my only meal of the day. After Sweet Paradise all I did was drink water and play video games. Damn. My life is so good.

I’m currently listening to the Elon Musk ted talk - the guy is a true visionary. Sweet Paradise only made me borderline weaker… I still managed to run 1 minute at 19.6 km/h. I’m almost ready for 20 km/h. Actually, I think I can do it right now. I just gotta extend the 1 minute to 5 minutes and I’ll be done.

Haskell is uh.. quite the interesting learning experience. I do think that it changes your way of thinking and makes you a better software developer. But at the same time… I feel like people who manage to learn it is like… self selection. Like. The people that learn Haskell are the people that are good at Software Engineering and they always try to improve. So it might not be so much that Haskell makes them better so much that they were gonna be better anyways. Yeah. I’m a narcissist.

Wow. Elon Musk. Damn. He dreams big. I started reading YuYu Hakusho and it’s really good. Exist Archive is really grindy but it reminds me of Valkyrie Profile so the nostalgia factor actually making me really enjoy the game. It’s weird. I planned to learn Haskell in my time in Japan. And now that I’m doing it… it’s actually so much fun. Like. I guess it reminds me of all the other things that I think about. Like skiing. I always think skiing fucking sucks cause it’s cold and shit. But whenever I decide to actually go skiing. It’s so much fun. Heh. The same thing happens with doing hard shit I guess.

So maybe. In a way. Building Tesla and SpaceX while stressful and hard work… is actually fun. O.O

Alright. Going to stream Haskell learning now. Man. I feel so dumb when streaming. But… I also know that I’ll get stronger and smarter through effort.

pre golden week

2017-04-29 21:00:24 +0000

It’s pre golden week. Saturday night. I just got back from the gym after doing jpop dance. I also tried to squeeze in a quick sprint and some weights. Sigh. Recently I’ve been constantly scraping my shins when doing deadlifts. Which causes me to take a break from deadlifting. Which makes me weak… which causes me to scrape my shins? Urgh. It’s funny because… I only scrape my shins when I space out. And I spaced out today so I scraped my shins. I forget what I was thinking about… but basically when I’m focused on my form and not scraping my shins. I don’t scrape my shins.

I’ve been meditating daily for awhile now… and I think I’m starting to get better at it. For one… I don’t just count to time until it’s done now. It actually energizes me in the mornings.

For my running goals. I hit 35 minutes at 14.1 km/h. I want to be at 60 minutes at 14.5 ~ 15 km/h by September. So uh… I’m not progressing at a linear scale. It’s been over half a year since I moved to Tokyo. By now I should’ve hit 40 minutes at 14.5. But I don’t really do many distance runs because it feels so boring and takes so long.

Muscle up / Planche / Human flag is uh… it’s like binary. I still can’t do any of the 3. I’m working on the planche progressions though.

I started playing Exist Archive. It is indeed the spiritual successor to Valkyrie Profile. The battle system and exploration system is so fun. Even though it feels like the story is non existent… I’m quite enjoying the game. What’s funny is that Exist Archive is a game aimed at kids, so there’s less chinese characters and now I can actually read faster than the voice acting. I feel so badass.

Been struggling with Haskell. It’s weird… I guess adopting the beginner mindset is hard. Or rather… it’s frustrating to start from scratch. It’s probably because my expectations aren’t reflecting reality. I should just adjust my expectations. I picked up golang really easy because it’s very similar to OO programming languages like Java/C++.

It’s summer weather here in Tokyo already. So nice. Today I walked in sunlight, the day was beautiful. I had delicious Japanese pho and vietnamese iced coffee. Heh. I’m trying not to think about leaving in September. Wow. That’s like… less than… 4 months. Damn. Only 4 months left of Tokyo paradise. heh.

I think my gym is gonna be closed for golden week. I’ll also spend a lot of time with friends so… gotta try and not pig out too much and undo all my progress. Off to play video games now. Life is good. I started reading some new programming books. Coders at work. It’s pretty interesting to hear about famous legendary people talk about their programming experiences. Maybe one day I’ll reach legendary status and write something on the scale of memcached. Heh. It’s weird. Writing that sentence… it’s like… I don’t believe I can write something as great as memcached. But… at the same time I know I have the skills to do it. Well… my version would probably be shitter. /shrug. It’s a paradox. I don’t believe I can do it but I know that I can do it. Meh.

I think I actually like Exist archive more than Final Fantasy XV. Man. I think FFXV was just… a disappointment to me. It had the potential to be so good… but it was barely mediocre. /shrug

week journal

2017-04-21 20:27:11 +0000

Today… running in the gym was just ridiculously hard. so was doing weights.

yesterday was my rest day. i had a big salty cha siu ramen. followed by coffee and milk tea. followed by a donburi for dinner. this morning i had a second donburi for breakfast…

before my workout… i decided to take a 3 hour nap. heh. so… too many variables… I’m gonna write down my guesses for what made me weak.

ramen - the ramen was really salty. i think i was dehydrated for most of yesterday? the 3 hour nap. i woke up… and went to the gym within 45 minutes of waking up from a deep sleep. the donburi breakfast. that breakfast is much heavier than my usual breakfast. the milk tea??

uh. since i don’t wanna cut out ramen. i’m just gonna avoid the 3 hour nap for next week. i’m gonna play for a ramen thursday. and then do a regular breakfast next friday. hopefully that’ll prove it wasn’t the ramen and probably the nap.

but what’s crazy is… the level that my body was… operating at. I was struggling to do the run at my warm up speed. my warm up run… took my heart rate to 165. normally my sprint heart rate takes me to 165. today the warm up got me there. urgh. nap or noodles is bad for my heart yo.

it’s time to continue with my haskell streaming. i mean learning.

t shirt weather

2017-04-18 19:04:00 +0000

I just wrote in my diary “fuck. my life is so good” and… it really is. heh.

last week was basically getting back on schedule. going to the gym MWF and trying to up my sprint / interval training. it’s finally summer. or… it’s t shirt weather. i wore a t shirt outdoors yesterday and today. it’s 21C at 7pm. that’s spring in tokyo. i’m kinda worried about 41c summer.

the thing is. i think… no matter what there’s always negative aspects that exist. i’ve been looking forward to the warm weather for the longest time. and now that it’s finally here. i’m really glad. and thankful. and happy. but at the same time… there were bugs and mosqitoes already. sigh. urgh. there’s always something bad i guess.

i started learning / streaming haskell. haskell has been an interesting experiment. i’m only in… chapter 2. or week 2 of the lectures. it’s fun to be a beginner again. also frustrating. it’s like… i feel like all the problems would be trivial in python. but doing it in haskell… it’s like my brain just struggles to translate. i guess it really is like learning a human language. i just can’t express myself properly yet.

i started playing exist archive. it really does feel like a spiritual successor to valkyrie profile. the gameplay is similar and… the animation is beautiful. persona 5, star ocean 4, final fantasy xv and now exist archive. i’m finally get to feed my jrpg uh… hunger? now if only there was a xenogears / xenosaga like series.

i’m thankful that i can take a university level haskell course in tokyo. like… i’m getting so much education from the comfort of my home. haskell is actually beautiful. i can’t wait til i’m proficient at it. i’m thankful that it’s spring and there’s more sunlight. it’s helping me wake up at 830 and just be more cheerful. i’m thankful that i have complete freedom in my schedule. the highlight of my day is probably my 10 minute nap before jpop dance class. that nap was so amazing. lmao. damn. yeah. my life is so good.

my current schedule is reading books, learning haskell, gym, learning japanese, and playing video games. :D i still can’t believe. well… i did plan for this. so i get to enjoy the fruits of my planning. heh.

post osaka and hanami

2017-04-09 16:16:22 +0000

Today is Sunday… finally I get a stay at home and do nothing day. Writing a new entry is the only thing left planned for the day. The rest is gonna be spent watching Starcraft and House of Cards. lol.

I finished filing my taxes for 2016. Just when I downloaded my completed and submitted form… I realized I missed an electronic only tax form for exercising my options. Sigh. That means I’ll have to amend and probably pay back some of my refund. It’s only a minor annoyance. I’m sure I’ll still get a refund. It just means I gotta amend and figure out how to pay the difference. But… it annoys me.

Osaka was… interesting. Went to see the castle. Travelling with others… it just feels like a loss of freedom. The five star hotel was… nothing special. I mean… the executive lounge was nice. You get free breakfast and drinks with a badass view. I actually really enjoyed going to the lounge dressed as a bum… for some reason that’s like… really fun for me.

Kyoto was all old style architecture and nature. What’s funny is… vacation with my friends who are on vacation… is like worse than my regular day to day life. It’s official. My regular life is better than vacation. Dream life reached? In a way it was almost always like that.

Went to the gym yesterday… and I uh… struggled. Sigh. I’m just mentally weak right now.. not sure why. I mean… my fitbit said my heart rate was ~170… so I know that I could’ve ran more. but… I caved and slowed down. It’s like… I know I’ll be okay and that I can do more… but I chose to do less. When running… it just feels like I’m gonna die… even though I know I’m not.

Went to yoyogi park twice for hanami twice. Finally saw the cherry blossoms… and it’s not as expected. I guess in a way… reality and expectations are generally way different.

I’ve been having this feeling recently… it’s like. I know I can do more. It’s like… always the case. I can always do more. I guess I gotta take it easy for bit. I dunno.

I’m looking forward to Haskell learning this weekend.

Sigh. I got weaker. It’s a fact. I think… getting weaker is like… I didn’t want to face reality. In my mind… I knew that vacation, eating junk food, not working out would make me weaker. But like… I didn’t want to face reality. I avoided doing deadlifts for like… a few workouts… because I was afraid to face the fact that I was weaker. I’m weaker now… and I’m slower now… than last December. It’s… reality. But I know that I can become stronger.

It’s time for me to focus. I’ve been partying too much and eating too much. My sleeping has been bad… but I’m gonna fix it. Because I can and I will. I still have 5 months of Japan. Wow shit. Only 5 months left.

I still need to hit… 45 minutes of running. Damn. I’m not even close to human flag.. or planche. But I know that I can do it. I just need to focus. It’s time to eliminate. No more crap food and shitty sleeping.

Okay. Gonna enjoy my Sunday now. I’m thankful that I got to stay in a 5 star hotel in Osaka and travel Osaka and Kyoto with my friends. I’m thankful that my Japanese friends introduced me to interesting people that I wouldn’t otherwise met. I’m thankful that taxes was easy. That even though I made a mistake… that the mistake is an easily fixable one. Life is good. I’m on the up and up.

dont smile or you'll get wrinkes

2017-03-28 01:51:50 +0000

Wow. Today was like… a near perfect day. It’s like… the kind of day that I dreamed of when I was living in SF.

Even though I didn’t start the day off good. I uh… woke up at 1pm. I slept at like… 3am the night before. Meditated for 30 minutes after waking up.

Had lunch with a bijin~ I finally got to try this place that I walked by. It was Japanese-styled pho. I think the serving size was small… it was definitely less pho compared to North American standards… but it was so good. And it reminded me of home because pho is universal. Also had a delicious delicious vietnamese styled coffee. The coffee is also universal and always good. The drip and condensed milk. OMG. So good.

Then had desserts + coffee at this other place. It’s this super cool place that I walked by before when I was exploring with another friend. The coffee shop was so good. It was smoke free, the coffee was delicious and the chocolate cake. OMG. OMG. OMG. Just writing about it brings a smile to my face. Shit. Don’t smile. You’ll get wrinkles.

Went to the gym at 7pm. I actually forgot my shorts. But, no big deal. I was like. Yo. I forgot my pants today in Japanese. And the guy was like no problem, it’s gonna be 400 yen to rent a pair of shorts. It would’ve taken me 30 minutes to walk back and forth… so fuck it. I paid a $4 lazy tax to rent a pair of shorts. I did my usual 10 minute run. 15.8 wow. THat’s like 9.8 mph. For 7 minutes. Hehehe. Still far from my 5 minute mile… but getting closer.

Then did bench + rows + leg curls. Couldn’t deadlift because only one rack and it was constantly taken. No biggie. I normally go during old people hours. This 8pm gym is a rare occurence. Then I did the sauna + ice bath + hot tub cycle. 3x. I did the full 3x cycle. Oh man. It’s so refreshing. It’s like… just thinking about it. The sauna it starts good, then you get some discomfort… and then it’s like a mental challenge. Same with the ice bath. Starts good… discomfort and mental challenge. Followed by pure zen in the hot tub. Damn. That cycle is so magical.

So anyways. My friend told me his mom told him that smiling gives you wrinkles. So don’t smile. And since hearing that I’ve been trying not to smile. And I notice that… I actually smile way to much. Maybe it’s because I’m actually aware that I’m smiling now. Or maybe I’m just more cheerful. Anyways… today was a day full of smiles. Whatever. Life is pretty damn good.

Came home at like 10pm. I bought some ingredients. I made miso soup + udon. Shit. Tofu miso soup with udon. It actually tasted surprisingly good. Tofu miso soup is actually easy to make. It’s delicious. And it worked with udon. My dinner was so good. Had a protein shake after, watched space brothers. Did 1.5 hours of coding on my android app. Was productive as fuck.

Then watched midnight diner in Japanese. My Japanese is getting so good. Now. It’s 2am. Gonna play probably an hour, an hour and a half of Star Ocean 5 before calling it a night.

But honestly, today is like… the perfect dream Japan day. I just wanna write this down. Remember it. I’m thankful. I’m thankful that I’m in Japan. I’m thankful that the universe aligned. Even though I believe in chaos theory and that there’s no free will. Today was fucking awesome.

jpop hehe

2017-03-18 22:46:11 +0000

Let’s see. Exactly one week since last post. So not too bad.

My app is officially on the app store. Hue. Hue. Hue. It’s an mvp and hella glitchy… but I’m gonna start pushing my friends to get it soon. hue. hue.

Today was… really amazing. It’s like… the ideal day. It’s perfection. Today… woke up. Ordered 2 donburis to get delivered to my house. Ate lunch. Watched the GSL semi-finals… played Star Ocean 5. Went to the gym and did jpop dance. Came back… did a quick commit on my next android app. Followed by some more Star Ocean 5.

I think… for me with JRPGs. It just takes me awhile to get into it. For a long time… Star Ocean 5 was meh… but now I’m all excited for synthing lazer weapons again. In each game laser weapons are OP.

Thursday I went to the theme park in Sunshine city. Friday I went to a meetup/st patrick’s day party in shimbashi. Made some new friends and got to practice Japanese. I can listen at a native level, but I don’t understand shit. Urgh. Right now… I’m just repeating what I’m hearing in my mind to like… practice the listening. But it’s like… I wish I could understand. But soon. I feel like… it was just yesterday when everyone was talking too fast. Now everyone isn’t talking to fast. My typing using the Japanese cellphone input system is also much faster now. I think I can write whatever I want to say in like 30 seconds now. Damn.

I did the spa cycle today… so relaxing. Man. Japan life is so good. I definitely don’t want it to end. Even though I know that I’ll only be in Japan for… another 8 months. Damn. Only 8 more months of Japanese practice before I have to sell all my shit and return home.

wow pretty much mid march

2017-03-10 21:07:59 +0000

Damn. My real android app is blocked because I violated the android tos. Hopefully it’ll be ready for March 15. I’ll definitely resubmit it by then… but I’m at the mercy of google people.

I’ve been kinda doing the ios equivalents… but now I realize I gotta have an actual ios device to do a lot of the development…. which means I might not do an ios version at all… since the only ios device I want would be a completely waterproof iPhone… which should exist in the iPhone 8.

So Henry left and I’m all alone again… and it’s pretty awesome. I went to the gym today… ran one minute at 18 km/h. Did the spa cycle. I’m still weaker than peak me from December though… so I gotta work on that. Urgh. It’s unfortunate that I’m the type to lose muscle really quickly. Some of my friends just have insane baseline strength that makes me jealous.

I started watching Ajin. Damn. It’s so good. I watched 12 episodes in one day. hehe.

I think I might reorder the way I do my mobile apps. I might just make… 6x android apps. And then only port over to ios the ones that gain traction.

Meditation has been… weak. I think… I’ve just been taking it too easy. lmao. I’m struggling to sit in a chair for 30 minutes. Well. Just focusing on my breath is really hard. Blargh. What sucks is that… it’s a regression. It’s like. I KNOW that I’m better… and that I regressed. It’s just really demoralizing. Even though I know the mastery curve should expect regressions followed by a sharp jump. I guess… I just gotta keep meditating. It’s what I’ll do.

Now that my schedule is back to complete freedom and flexibility. Heh. Next week is packed with spending time with Japanese locals. Can’t wait to practice Japanese again. Oh man. Watching Ajin with Japanese subtitles. I can read the subtitles faster than they are spoken… now I just need to focus on the rare new kanjis… which are few and far between. I feel pretty badass.

I stopped planning my days and being thankful. So I think I’m gonna restart doing that. For today. I’m thankful that I finally scheduled desserts with this chinese girl living in Japan that was introduced to me by a friend. There’s so many levels of thankful. It’s like… thankful that I met the super cool friend in America. He’s a super cool guy. Thankful that I get to have desserts next Wednesday with a cute bilingual girl. Thankful that I finally made it happen. Today was actually just a really nice day. It’s almost sweater weather again.

During meditation… I think I just focus too much on the future. Meditation should help me rebalance this. I really just enjoyed the moment today during my sauna -> ice bath -> jacuzzi. Especially that last jacuzzi session. It’s like… I got nothing to worry about. My mind was pretty empty… just sitting in a hot tub in a beautiful gym in tokyo. Like damn.

My dream has been realized. I’m living it. Heh. That brings a pretty big smile to my face.