30 minutes at 15.1

2017-05-29 20:03:36 +0000

I am a badass. I ran 30 minutes at 15.1. It was a strange experience. So I did 3 minutes of warm up between 11~13. Then went to 15.1 km/h and just ran. At minute 25 or so… man. It felt like I was gonna die. That I was liable to fall off the treadmill. Even though… I don’t think that would happen. So what happened is that I turned down the elevation to 0. I normally run with 1% elevation… even with the elevation lowered… I still felt like death. So what happened was… I gripped the handle bars for 15 seconds… then let go for 45 seconds. Between minute 25 ~ 33. So uh… I did that for 8 whole minutes. Where I would grip the handle bar to try and recover some stamina and slow down my breathing. Heh. Too jokes. Well. I told myself that I’d… run for 30 minutes today… at 15.1 or die trying. And I guess I made my goal even though I took advantage of using the bars. Which was bad… but it’s a weird feeling.

Running on the treadmill. It legitimately felt like I was gonna die… or just slow down trip and faceplant. But - if you asked me beforehand… to bet if I’d die or live. I’d bet my entire net worth on me living after 30 minutes at 15.1 with a 1% incline. Even if you take away the fact that if I died… it wouldn’t matter that I’m broke. Suppose that there was a phoenix down available so that I’d come back alive but broke. I’d still bet everything on me being alive. Anyways… I ran for the 30 minutes at 15.1. Next month is 40 minutes. Then by August.. I’ll hit the 60 minutes.

Uh. Pretty intense huh. I’ve skipped a few sessions of streaming haskell. It’s because… I can’t see the way forward. I still don’t completely understand monoids, functors, applicative functors and monads. It’s like… debugging. When you don’t know the cause/bug. It’s impossible, you just gotta keep looking. But as soon as you find it, figure it out… it becomes really easy. It’s binary. I think… you just need to have faith. I do have faith. I’m sure that I’ll eventually figure out all the greatness that haskell has to offer… but I guess… it’s just always a struggle. Like how running on the treadmill is a struggle.

Okay. Just do it. Time to stream Haskell. Even if it’s me just not writing any code and struggling. It’s time put into struggling… which I believe will make me stronger. Heh.

fitbit broke and struggling to run

2017-05-22 20:02:30 +0000

My fitbit broke. I’m too cheap / lazy to buy a new one. I do want some type of heart monitoring for running, but… now that it’s gone I guess it’s back to being all mental. I mean… before fitbit I trained for a marathon blindly without knowing my heart rate… and I’m sure I can train blindly now. It’ll be fine.

I was randomly thinking about BJ Penn again. I remember writing about an article about how BJ Penn wasted his talents and that he had the ability to be the GOAT. I’ve been reading on the shortness of life. I think… people, myself included, just take things in the present for granted and then… it’s hard to face reality. It’s a combination of the world constantly evolving and the fact that time only moves forward. So at some point in time you’ll deterioriate and for me I feel like I’m just making bullshit excuses.

I mean, I’m the strongest and fastest that I’ve ever been. At the same time… it’s like. If only I had the present discipline in the past… I wonder what I could’ve been able to do. Instead of training for a shitty marathon time in 4 months I could’ve done so much more. /shrug.

So recently, I’ve been planning the rest of my time in Japan. It’s uh… shit son. June, July, August. That’s it. 90 days. Shit. 90 days, before my perfect schedule is over. Fuck. It’s like… I took it for granted. Sure, I’m hella productive… I already released 3 android apps on the play store, and I’m coding new backend features for something that I want to build. But at the same time… I spend 3 hours per day watching anime.

I mean… at some point your physical ability drops, and even now. Maybe I’m not fully pushing myself. I guess… I’m scared of growing old and wasting time. On the other hand, it’s not like I can be in the gym 24/7. It’s not that I’m scared of growing old, or even death. I mean. Death is inevitable because science is advancing slowly and the cure for aging won’t happen in my lifetime.

I forgot what I wanted to write. In my mind I had this brilliant piece of writing comparing myself to BJ Penn. I think I’m trying my best. But… maybe I’m not. And it’ll be too late when I actually put in 100% mental percent. Well. I do subscribe to the philosophy of there’s a right way, wrong way, and my way. And I do things my way. So in the end… it’s all good. Hakuna matata.

ramen making me fat

2017-05-20 22:26:57 +0000

I’m getting fatter. Ohs no. But seriously, I’m the fattest I’ve ever been. It’s not surprising considering the fact that I’ve recently started eating extra large ramen 3 days a week. Thursday/Saturdays/Sundays are now ramen lunch days. Which is definitely not healthy. I also reduced my interval running and running in general since I was worried about overtraining causing me to not improve. We’ll see what happens after my vacation in the phillipines.

I started reading how time just goes by. On the shortness of life. It’s a pretty interesting book. It basically talks about how everyone feels like they’ll live forever, and then when it’s too late that they realized that their lives has passed them. Today, I was thinking about skipping jpop dance class. I didn’t skip, but a part of me really wanted to stay home and do nothing. Hard to explain why… I feel like doing nothing is literally the default state for me. Not sure if it’s just me or if it extends to humans in general. Probably just me. Anyways, I went to jpop dance class and of course, it was lots of fun. I got a solid dose of exercise. I didn’t want to do my sauna/ice bath/jacuzzi cycle. Actually, I always do enjoy it. And I look forward to it, but yet… I don’t really want to do it. Since… sauna is really hot, and ice bath is really cold. But then… the jacuzzi afterwards just feels so amazing. On my last cycle, I was just sitting alone in the manmade onsen. The place was so beautiful. I was all alone, enjoying the onsen. I could hear the train in the background, feel the breeze and just… it was a moment in the present that I really enjoyed. I wish I could capture the moment forever, I noticed it and tried to etch it into my memory. Me, living in Japan, relaxing after jpop dance and the cycle. The onsen, it’s just so amazing. I’m so thankful. And yet, right before that point in time… I didn’t even want to go to jpop dance class.

I recently finished reading the aziz anzari book on modern romance. It was a pretty interesting read, especially the part about Japan. There was a passage that stuck out to me, it’s was like. Comparing passionate love to compassionate love or whatever. There’s no point in chasing the passionate love all the time because it would be the equivalent of doing cocaine or ecstasy all the time. And of course, I agree. It doesn’t make sense to be doing cocaine all the time or whatever, but it made me think about my doing nothing. I mean… my default is doing nothing. In a way, the best thing that I enjoy is doing nothing. But if you told me that I could do nothing everyday for the rest of my life I’d be like… fuck. That be the same as just killing myself. It’s pointless and stupid.

So in a way it’s a weird paradox. I wanna do nothing all the time. But then, if I get to do nothing all the time it’d be dumb as fuck. It’s weird because… I really want to do nothing a lot of the time. Well, tomorrow I’m gonna be going to toudai for a festival. I’m pretty excited for that actually. It’s a once a year event at toudai. It’s like the toudai culture festival. Heh. And the reason that I found out about the culture festival is because… I started going to weekly toudai lunch activity where toudai people get together to just have lunch and chat. How did I start going to the toudai weekly gathering? Well, I went to a party that my friend invited me to - met a toudai phd student and asked him to show me around toudai. Wait, how did I meet the guy that organized the party? Oh. I met him at a Christmas party I went to with my friend who was visiting from America.

Funny right. All I wanna do is stay home and play video games… and yet tomorrow I have one of my most anticipated events which happened through a series of me leaving the house and not playing video games. So I think… in the end it’s all about discipline. You gotta do what you know is right or good even when you don’t feel like it.

Want to know something else that’s funny that I never thought I’d think or write about while on vacation in Japan? I was… “too tired to play video games”. Yep, I thought that and wrote that. I was too tired to play video games. What. The. Fuck. I’ve been getting…. 7~9 hours of sleep every day. I can take naps whenever I want. I eat whenever I want… and yet… I’m too tired to play video games. On vacation. In Japan. Uh. Yeah. That’s something that if you asked me if it was possible… I’d be no. That’s not. But… yeah. It happened. That… blows my mind.

Oh yeah. Back to getting fat. Shit. I’m old now. I’m almost 28. It’s the age where your metabolism slows down and people get fat. You know what’s funny? Metabolism slowing down only happens to other people, it wouldn’t happen to me. I actually thought that… when I saw that happen to my older friends. It’s like… pssh, it won’t happen to me. Even though I know it will.

I have a vision of what I want, and I work towards it. But I’m still always pulled by procrastination… and doing nothing. Well, I guess the good news is that I’m definitely getting better. I think now I’m at probably 4/7 days a week of commiting code to my side projects. I’m close to finishing Haskell 101. But it’s like… damn. Why do I still prefer to do nothing over working. Even though I enjoy working. Like… coding in my room, sennheiser 650… fridge stocked with goods. It’s the dream. And yet, I rather do nothing. The ultimate Alan paradox.

Oh yeah. The other day, I had an ice cream bar, a green tea ice cream sandwich, and a strawberry ice cream cone. Because, fuck it. Treat yoself. My fridge was stocked. Sigh. And I wonder why I struggle to run and that I’m getting fatter. /shrug. On the other hand… I hit a new personal deadlift record. I’m the fastest that I’ve ever been. Heh. I guess I’m still on the up and up. So life is good.

Well. Gonna play some video games and watch some anime. Life is pretty good. :)

wow... time just flies

2017-05-15 19:51:02 +0000

Uh. So. I kinda took a one week break. I basically spent one week doing… nothing? Not doing real work… or studying haskell. I still read some manga… but I actually have no idea how I spent my time. Probably just wasted on hacker news.

But it’s fixed now. Because I went to the gym today. I think having habits and good routine that you can fall back on just eventually resets you back towards the path. I ran for 15 minutes at 15.1 km/h. So… 25% of the way towards my 60 minute goal. Except… I should be 66% of the way there since… it’s already mid may and uh… I only have 33% of Tokyo time left. Damn. DAMN. Time goes by so fast.

There’s been an article that I’ve been meaning to read. But I still haven’t gotten to reading. On the shortness of life by Lucious Seneca. I mean. Perception of time is just… it’s been studied but I think everyone feels time differently, even though time is the same for everyone. I mean… running that 20 minutes on the treadmill… feels like forever. Sitting in the sauna for only 8 minutes… feels like forever. But then watching anime on netflix.. time goes by so fast.

I mean… it felt like just… recently that I moved to Japan and was playing Persona 5. It blew my mind. And suddenly it’s May and I’ve put in over 100 hours into Persona 5. Heh. Yeah. Well. I’m gonna work on lesson 8 of Haskell. I think I’m almost done with the whole course. The last 2 assignments… I’m just gonna try and learn from the solutions because I’ve struggled enough. I think… struggle -> solution is better learning anyways. I guess learning my own way is why I’m enjoying it much more than my actualy university experience. Oh man. The actual university experience is just so… bad. Like… if I had to be graded on this stupidity… I’d just be so sad. But since I’m learning just for learning it feels so much better.

I recently discovered the scoring on karaoke machines. Can’t wait til I can hit the 90 points. That’s my goal. 90 points. My mind is blown… the people that I’ve been going to karaoke with… they all hit 90. Dafaq. I think it’s a combination of me being bad and also them being good. It makes the gap look much bigger. But it’s okay. I know that through effort and practice I’ll reach 90 points. I think that’s the most important lesson. That hard work and persistance can get you to 90% of pro.

As for the last 10%… I dunno. I think you just gotta be obsessed and crazy. Really into it. If you aren’t really into it. You won’t ever reach the pinnacle. Which. Is okay for certain things. Okay. Time to Haskell.

sweet paradise

2017-05-05 19:19:23 +0000

Yesterday I went to Sweet Paradise, it’s a all you can eat dessert place. Omg. Mind blown. Too jokes. It was so delicious. It’s funny that… 70 minutes just goes by so fast. I probably ate too much but it was my only meal of the day. After Sweet Paradise all I did was drink water and play video games. Damn. My life is so good.

I’m currently listening to the Elon Musk ted talk - the guy is a true visionary. Sweet Paradise only made me borderline weaker… I still managed to run 1 minute at 19.6 km/h. I’m almost ready for 20 km/h. Actually, I think I can do it right now. I just gotta extend the 1 minute to 5 minutes and I’ll be done.

Haskell is uh.. quite the interesting learning experience. I do think that it changes your way of thinking and makes you a better software developer. But at the same time… I feel like people who manage to learn it is like… self selection. Like. The people that learn Haskell are the people that are good at Software Engineering and they always try to improve. So it might not be so much that Haskell makes them better so much that they were gonna be better anyways. Yeah. I’m a narcissist.

Wow. Elon Musk. Damn. He dreams big. I started reading YuYu Hakusho and it’s really good. Exist Archive is really grindy but it reminds me of Valkyrie Profile so the nostalgia factor actually making me really enjoy the game. It’s weird. I planned to learn Haskell in my time in Japan. And now that I’m doing it… it’s actually so much fun. Like. I guess it reminds me of all the other things that I think about. Like skiing. I always think skiing fucking sucks cause it’s cold and shit. But whenever I decide to actually go skiing. It’s so much fun. Heh. The same thing happens with doing hard shit I guess.

So maybe. In a way. Building Tesla and SpaceX while stressful and hard work… is actually fun. O.O

Alright. Going to stream Haskell learning now. Man. I feel so dumb when streaming. But… I also know that I’ll get stronger and smarter through effort.

pre golden week

2017-04-29 21:00:24 +0000

It’s pre golden week. Saturday night. I just got back from the gym after doing jpop dance. I also tried to squeeze in a quick sprint and some weights. Sigh. Recently I’ve been constantly scraping my shins when doing deadlifts. Which causes me to take a break from deadlifting. Which makes me weak… which causes me to scrape my shins? Urgh. It’s funny because… I only scrape my shins when I space out. And I spaced out today so I scraped my shins. I forget what I was thinking about… but basically when I’m focused on my form and not scraping my shins. I don’t scrape my shins.

I’ve been meditating daily for awhile now… and I think I’m starting to get better at it. For one… I don’t just count to time until it’s done now. It actually energizes me in the mornings.

For my running goals. I hit 35 minutes at 14.1 km/h. I want to be at 60 minutes at 14.5 ~ 15 km/h by September. So uh… I’m not progressing at a linear scale. It’s been over half a year since I moved to Tokyo. By now I should’ve hit 40 minutes at 14.5. But I don’t really do many distance runs because it feels so boring and takes so long.

Muscle up / Planche / Human flag is uh… it’s like binary. I still can’t do any of the 3. I’m working on the planche progressions though.

I started playing Exist Archive. It is indeed the spiritual successor to Valkyrie Profile. The battle system and exploration system is so fun. Even though it feels like the story is non existent… I’m quite enjoying the game. What’s funny is that Exist Archive is a game aimed at kids, so there’s less chinese characters and now I can actually read faster than the voice acting. I feel so badass.

Been struggling with Haskell. It’s weird… I guess adopting the beginner mindset is hard. Or rather… it’s frustrating to start from scratch. It’s probably because my expectations aren’t reflecting reality. I should just adjust my expectations. I picked up golang really easy because it’s very similar to OO programming languages like Java/C++.

It’s summer weather here in Tokyo already. So nice. Today I walked in sunlight, the day was beautiful. I had delicious Japanese pho and vietnamese iced coffee. Heh. I’m trying not to think about leaving in September. Wow. That’s like… less than… 4 months. Damn. Only 4 months left of Tokyo paradise. heh.

I think my gym is gonna be closed for golden week. I’ll also spend a lot of time with friends so… gotta try and not pig out too much and undo all my progress. Off to play video games now. Life is good. I started reading some new programming books. Coders at work. It’s pretty interesting to hear about famous legendary people talk about their programming experiences. Maybe one day I’ll reach legendary status and write something on the scale of memcached. Heh. It’s weird. Writing that sentence… it’s like… I don’t believe I can write something as great as memcached. But… at the same time I know I have the skills to do it. Well… my version would probably be shitter. /shrug. It’s a paradox. I don’t believe I can do it but I know that I can do it. Meh.

I think I actually like Exist archive more than Final Fantasy XV. Man. I think FFXV was just… a disappointment to me. It had the potential to be so good… but it was barely mediocre. /shrug

week journal

2017-04-21 20:27:11 +0000

Today… running in the gym was just ridiculously hard. so was doing weights.

yesterday was my rest day. i had a big salty cha siu ramen. followed by coffee and milk tea. followed by a donburi for dinner. this morning i had a second donburi for breakfast…

before my workout… i decided to take a 3 hour nap. heh. so… too many variables… I’m gonna write down my guesses for what made me weak.

ramen - the ramen was really salty. i think i was dehydrated for most of yesterday? the 3 hour nap. i woke up… and went to the gym within 45 minutes of waking up from a deep sleep. the donburi breakfast. that breakfast is much heavier than my usual breakfast. the milk tea??

uh. since i don’t wanna cut out ramen. i’m just gonna avoid the 3 hour nap for next week. i’m gonna play for a ramen thursday. and then do a regular breakfast next friday. hopefully that’ll prove it wasn’t the ramen and probably the nap.

but what’s crazy is… the level that my body was… operating at. I was struggling to do the run at my warm up speed. my warm up run… took my heart rate to 165. normally my sprint heart rate takes me to 165. today the warm up got me there. urgh. nap or noodles is bad for my heart yo.

it’s time to continue with my haskell streaming. i mean learning.

t shirt weather

2017-04-18 19:04:00 +0000

I just wrote in my diary “fuck. my life is so good” and… it really is. heh.

last week was basically getting back on schedule. going to the gym MWF and trying to up my sprint / interval training. it’s finally summer. or… it’s t shirt weather. i wore a t shirt outdoors yesterday and today. it’s 21C at 7pm. that’s spring in tokyo. i’m kinda worried about 41c summer.

the thing is. i think… no matter what there’s always negative aspects that exist. i’ve been looking forward to the warm weather for the longest time. and now that it’s finally here. i’m really glad. and thankful. and happy. but at the same time… there were bugs and mosqitoes already. sigh. urgh. there’s always something bad i guess.

i started learning / streaming haskell. haskell has been an interesting experiment. i’m only in… chapter 2. or week 2 of the lectures. it’s fun to be a beginner again. also frustrating. it’s like… i feel like all the problems would be trivial in python. but doing it in haskell… it’s like my brain just struggles to translate. i guess it really is like learning a human language. i just can’t express myself properly yet.

i started playing exist archive. it really does feel like a spiritual successor to valkyrie profile. the gameplay is similar and… the animation is beautiful. persona 5, star ocean 4, final fantasy xv and now exist archive. i’m finally get to feed my jrpg uh… hunger? now if only there was a xenogears / xenosaga like series.

i’m thankful that i can take a university level haskell course in tokyo. like… i’m getting so much education from the comfort of my home. haskell is actually beautiful. i can’t wait til i’m proficient at it. i’m thankful that it’s spring and there’s more sunlight. it’s helping me wake up at 830 and just be more cheerful. i’m thankful that i have complete freedom in my schedule. the highlight of my day is probably my 10 minute nap before jpop dance class. that nap was so amazing. lmao. damn. yeah. my life is so good.

my current schedule is reading books, learning haskell, gym, learning japanese, and playing video games. :D i still can’t believe. well… i did plan for this. so i get to enjoy the fruits of my planning. heh.

post osaka and hanami

2017-04-09 16:16:22 +0000

Today is Sunday… finally I get a stay at home and do nothing day. Writing a new entry is the only thing left planned for the day. The rest is gonna be spent watching Starcraft and House of Cards. lol.

I finished filing my taxes for 2016. Just when I downloaded my completed and submitted form… I realized I missed an electronic only tax form for exercising my options. Sigh. That means I’ll have to amend and probably pay back some of my refund. It’s only a minor annoyance. I’m sure I’ll still get a refund. It just means I gotta amend and figure out how to pay the difference. But… it annoys me.

Osaka was… interesting. Went to see the castle. Travelling with others… it just feels like a loss of freedom. The five star hotel was… nothing special. I mean… the executive lounge was nice. You get free breakfast and drinks with a badass view. I actually really enjoyed going to the lounge dressed as a bum… for some reason that’s like… really fun for me.

Kyoto was all old style architecture and nature. What’s funny is… vacation with my friends who are on vacation… is like worse than my regular day to day life. It’s official. My regular life is better than vacation. Dream life reached? In a way it was almost always like that.

Went to the gym yesterday… and I uh… struggled. Sigh. I’m just mentally weak right now.. not sure why. I mean… my fitbit said my heart rate was ~170… so I know that I could’ve ran more. but… I caved and slowed down. It’s like… I know I’ll be okay and that I can do more… but I chose to do less. When running… it just feels like I’m gonna die… even though I know I’m not.

Went to yoyogi park twice for hanami twice. Finally saw the cherry blossoms… and it’s not as expected. I guess in a way… reality and expectations are generally way different.

I’ve been having this feeling recently… it’s like. I know I can do more. It’s like… always the case. I can always do more. I guess I gotta take it easy for bit. I dunno.

I’m looking forward to Haskell learning this weekend.

Sigh. I got weaker. It’s a fact. I think… getting weaker is like… I didn’t want to face reality. In my mind… I knew that vacation, eating junk food, not working out would make me weaker. But like… I didn’t want to face reality. I avoided doing deadlifts for like… a few workouts… because I was afraid to face the fact that I was weaker. I’m weaker now… and I’m slower now… than last December. It’s… reality. But I know that I can become stronger.

It’s time for me to focus. I’ve been partying too much and eating too much. My sleeping has been bad… but I’m gonna fix it. Because I can and I will. I still have 5 months of Japan. Wow shit. Only 5 months left.

I still need to hit… 45 minutes of running. Damn. I’m not even close to human flag.. or planche. But I know that I can do it. I just need to focus. It’s time to eliminate. No more crap food and shitty sleeping.

Okay. Gonna enjoy my Sunday now. I’m thankful that I got to stay in a 5 star hotel in Osaka and travel Osaka and Kyoto with my friends. I’m thankful that my Japanese friends introduced me to interesting people that I wouldn’t otherwise met. I’m thankful that taxes was easy. That even though I made a mistake… that the mistake is an easily fixable one. Life is good. I’m on the up and up.

dont smile or you'll get wrinkes

2017-03-28 01:51:50 +0000

Wow. Today was like… a near perfect day. It’s like… the kind of day that I dreamed of when I was living in SF.

Even though I didn’t start the day off good. I uh… woke up at 1pm. I slept at like… 3am the night before. Meditated for 30 minutes after waking up.

Had lunch with a bijin~ I finally got to try this place that I walked by. It was Japanese-styled pho. I think the serving size was small… it was definitely less pho compared to North American standards… but it was so good. And it reminded me of home because pho is universal. Also had a delicious delicious vietnamese styled coffee. The coffee is also universal and always good. The drip and condensed milk. OMG. So good.

Then had desserts + coffee at this other place. It’s this super cool place that I walked by before when I was exploring with another friend. The coffee shop was so good. It was smoke free, the coffee was delicious and the chocolate cake. OMG. OMG. OMG. Just writing about it brings a smile to my face. Shit. Don’t smile. You’ll get wrinkles.

Went to the gym at 7pm. I actually forgot my shorts. But, no big deal. I was like. Yo. I forgot my pants today in Japanese. And the guy was like no problem, it’s gonna be 400 yen to rent a pair of shorts. It would’ve taken me 30 minutes to walk back and forth… so fuck it. I paid a $4 lazy tax to rent a pair of shorts. I did my usual 10 minute run. 15.8 wow. THat’s like 9.8 mph. For 7 minutes. Hehehe. Still far from my 5 minute mile… but getting closer.

Then did bench + rows + leg curls. Couldn’t deadlift because only one rack and it was constantly taken. No biggie. I normally go during old people hours. This 8pm gym is a rare occurence. Then I did the sauna + ice bath + hot tub cycle. 3x. I did the full 3x cycle. Oh man. It’s so refreshing. It’s like… just thinking about it. The sauna it starts good, then you get some discomfort… and then it’s like a mental challenge. Same with the ice bath. Starts good… discomfort and mental challenge. Followed by pure zen in the hot tub. Damn. That cycle is so magical.

So anyways. My friend told me his mom told him that smiling gives you wrinkles. So don’t smile. And since hearing that I’ve been trying not to smile. And I notice that… I actually smile way to much. Maybe it’s because I’m actually aware that I’m smiling now. Or maybe I’m just more cheerful. Anyways… today was a day full of smiles. Whatever. Life is pretty damn good.

Came home at like 10pm. I bought some ingredients. I made miso soup + udon. Shit. Tofu miso soup with udon. It actually tasted surprisingly good. Tofu miso soup is actually easy to make. It’s delicious. And it worked with udon. My dinner was so good. Had a protein shake after, watched space brothers. Did 1.5 hours of coding on my android app. Was productive as fuck.

Then watched midnight diner in Japanese. My Japanese is getting so good. Now. It’s 2am. Gonna play probably an hour, an hour and a half of Star Ocean 5 before calling it a night.

But honestly, today is like… the perfect dream Japan day. I just wanna write this down. Remember it. I’m thankful. I’m thankful that I’m in Japan. I’m thankful that the universe aligned. Even though I believe in chaos theory and that there’s no free will. Today was fucking awesome.

jpop hehe

2017-03-18 22:46:11 +0000

Let’s see. Exactly one week since last post. So not too bad.

My app is officially on the app store. Hue. Hue. Hue. It’s an mvp and hella glitchy… but I’m gonna start pushing my friends to get it soon. hue. hue.

Today was… really amazing. It’s like… the ideal day. It’s perfection. Today… woke up. Ordered 2 donburis to get delivered to my house. Ate lunch. Watched the GSL semi-finals… played Star Ocean 5. Went to the gym and did jpop dance. Came back… did a quick commit on my next android app. Followed by some more Star Ocean 5.

I think… for me with JRPGs. It just takes me awhile to get into it. For a long time… Star Ocean 5 was meh… but now I’m all excited for synthing lazer weapons again. In each game laser weapons are OP.

Thursday I went to the theme park in Sunshine city. Friday I went to a meetup/st patrick’s day party in shimbashi. Made some new friends and got to practice Japanese. I can listen at a native level, but I don’t understand shit. Urgh. Right now… I’m just repeating what I’m hearing in my mind to like… practice the listening. But it’s like… I wish I could understand. But soon. I feel like… it was just yesterday when everyone was talking too fast. Now everyone isn’t talking to fast. My typing using the Japanese cellphone input system is also much faster now. I think I can write whatever I want to say in like 30 seconds now. Damn.

I did the spa cycle today… so relaxing. Man. Japan life is so good. I definitely don’t want it to end. Even though I know that I’ll only be in Japan for… another 8 months. Damn. Only 8 more months of Japanese practice before I have to sell all my shit and return home.

wow pretty much mid march

2017-03-10 21:07:59 +0000

Damn. My real android app is blocked because I violated the android tos. Hopefully it’ll be ready for March 15. I’ll definitely resubmit it by then… but I’m at the mercy of google people.

I’ve been kinda doing the ios equivalents… but now I realize I gotta have an actual ios device to do a lot of the development…. which means I might not do an ios version at all… since the only ios device I want would be a completely waterproof iPhone… which should exist in the iPhone 8.

So Henry left and I’m all alone again… and it’s pretty awesome. I went to the gym today… ran one minute at 18 km/h. Did the spa cycle. I’m still weaker than peak me from December though… so I gotta work on that. Urgh. It’s unfortunate that I’m the type to lose muscle really quickly. Some of my friends just have insane baseline strength that makes me jealous.

I started watching Ajin. Damn. It’s so good. I watched 12 episodes in one day. hehe.

I think I might reorder the way I do my mobile apps. I might just make… 6x android apps. And then only port over to ios the ones that gain traction.

Meditation has been… weak. I think… I’ve just been taking it too easy. lmao. I’m struggling to sit in a chair for 30 minutes. Well. Just focusing on my breath is really hard. Blargh. What sucks is that… it’s a regression. It’s like. I KNOW that I’m better… and that I regressed. It’s just really demoralizing. Even though I know the mastery curve should expect regressions followed by a sharp jump. I guess… I just gotta keep meditating. It’s what I’ll do.

Now that my schedule is back to complete freedom and flexibility. Heh. Next week is packed with spending time with Japanese locals. Can’t wait to practice Japanese again. Oh man. Watching Ajin with Japanese subtitles. I can read the subtitles faster than they are spoken… now I just need to focus on the rare new kanjis… which are few and far between. I feel pretty badass.

I stopped planning my days and being thankful. So I think I’m gonna restart doing that. For today. I’m thankful that I finally scheduled desserts with this chinese girl living in Japan that was introduced to me by a friend. There’s so many levels of thankful. It’s like… thankful that I met the super cool friend in America. He’s a super cool guy. Thankful that I get to have desserts next Wednesday with a cute bilingual girl. Thankful that I finally made it happen. Today was actually just a really nice day. It’s almost sweater weather again.

During meditation… I think I just focus too much on the future. Meditation should help me rebalance this. I really just enjoyed the moment today during my sauna -> ice bath -> jacuzzi. Especially that last jacuzzi session. It’s like… I got nothing to worry about. My mind was pretty empty… just sitting in a hot tub in a beautiful gym in tokyo. Like damn.

My dream has been realized. I’m living it. Heh. That brings a pretty big smile to my face.

omg soo won

2017-02-22 21:42:03 +0000

Hmmm. Three good things about today. Let’s see. I went to the gym sick and I feel so much better now. Soo fucking won. Henry is back from his trip and we’re gonna have a party weekend. Hehe. Life is good.

Funny how the three happy things are also the biggest things. So today, this morning I woke up with a sore throat. I’ve been kinda sick since Monday. I think… being sick is a function of me being an idiot. I started watching Ice Fantasy which is a Chinese wuxia/fantasy show on Netflix. And they actually make it episodic on purpose so each episode always leaves you hanging. Blargh. Anyways, I’ve been basically sleeping between 2~4am for the past… 5 days. I blame that for causing my sickness. Shitty low quality sleep generally leads to lower immune system and sickness. =

The good thing was that somehow went to the gym today. I guess I really gotta thank my habits. Today was the GSL at 630pm. I told myself I’d just go to the gym for a 15 minute run and some chill recovery time in the sauna. When I got there… even sick. The 15 minute run felt quite easy. I guess it’s a sign of goodness, if I can do the run while sick… I can’t wait till I’m healthy. It’s almost 6 months so I gotta hit the 30 minute 15km/h checkpoint. My yearly goal is 60 minutes of 15 km/h or 9mph. So I gotta make sure that I’m making consistent progress.

I’m so grateful that I’m living in Japan and that Japan has the same timezone as Korea. GSL RO8. Watching it live. OMG. Watching it live is so good. and watching Soo come back 0-2 against TY to win 3-2. That just blew my mind. Who doesn’t love the underdog story? Also… Soo… the silver surfer and the sufferer. I feel like… you just gotta root for someone who doesn’t give up despite all the setbacks that he’s endured. Soo is probably my favorite player to cheer for just because each time he got so close to the championship but each time someone else crushed him. I don’t think he chokes so much as that the other person is just better. Well… maybe a little bit of choking. But it’s so great that… he came back 0-2. That’s like… the champion mentality. It’s so easy to give up. But to come back from 0-2…. that’s manly.

Henry came back from his hike. So this weekend will be Japan clubbing. Hehe. Also drinking party and bbq. Damn. The other thing is… even though I was wasting a crazy amount of time watching Ice Fantasy… I still managed over 4 commits last week. I think… 4 commits per week while not ideal… is a pretty solid ‘shitty baseline’ and that’s pretty amazing. Yep. Life is good.

february is almost over

2017-02-18 20:58:33 +0000

Wow. Feburary is almost over. Damn. It’s… kinda unbelievable how crazy fast time went by. Henry visited for like a week and I got pretty distracted. It’s just so much fun to hang out with him and he’s on vacation so he’s in chill explore and get food mode and in Japan you can do explore and get food mode forever and not run out of options.

I haven’t been working recently at all. It’s kinda crazy. Sigh. It’s like… I’ve been meditating every day still… but it’s like I’m just do the action without putting in the effort… which is bad. Today… on my way back from the gym I just totally spaced out and then realized that I walked past the grocery store… I then had to backtrack to the grocery store to get my snacks.

What was I thinking about? Don’t really remember… probably thinking about the future and how it can get even better? Even though I’m doing no work. Recently… I think… I just don’t want it badly enough. It’s like… I think when you’re back is against the wall… or you’ll starve if you don’t succeed you’ll work harder and succeed. But it’s like… my life in Japan is so good. I can just play video games and eat delicious food. I think… dullness is just too addicting. Just living the path of least resistance… it’s… so… what’s the word. It’s actually so captivating. To be swept away in the monotony of the day to do.

There’s only a few more things on the android app.. and honestly I think if I was in the zone I’d be able to crank it out in about 3 days. It goes back to… professionals always work. Right now… it almost feels like I’m not a pro. I started watching this uh… chinese drama on netflix. Each episode is like 45 minutes long of dullness. But it’s like… so addicting.

The other thing is… I think you just default to taking things for granted. I recently found out that my spa has an amazing sauna and ice bath. So I can do the sauna -> ice bath training which is really good for your health. Oh yeah. For dinner I had a delicious donburi, takoyaki and a mocchi for dessert. Just writing that sentence brought a smile to my face. hehehe.

Tomorrow I’ll be getting desserts with a cute japanese girl. On one hand it’s like… damn. My life is so freaking good. On the other hand it’s like… blargh. I haven’t been finding the ‘motivation’ to work. I’ve been lazy and just not being thankful and enjoying things. Weird. It’s like a paradox. Although… looking back. Even when Henry was visiting I did commit code at least 3x a week. Which is pretty good.

I guess I should just celebrate the good things. Things can always be better… and I can always theoretically do better. But looking back… I’m doing pretty great. My japanese is at the level where I can almost listen to random conversations without trying… and the other day I was pure japanese almost. Starting from march I’ll go pure Japanese to solidify my learnings.

I really wanted to get my app out by feburary. It’s still within the realms of reality. I guess it’s more important to focus on the process. One commit per day. On average will always bring you closer to the goals.

Well. Writing about how great my life is made me feel better. heh. So I think I should start doing the 3 thankful things again. That always helps. It’s like… you think you don’t need it… but you always do.

fat and outta shape

2017-02-03 18:42:02 +0000

So I just got back from the gym. My legs weighed a ton each as I was trying to run on the treadmill. lmao. Sigh. The funny thing is… I kinda knew I wouldn’t be able to run… and lift and that I regressed. It’s like… I just wanted to avoid reality.

Today is Friday. Last week thursday was my rest day which consisted of cheesecake and junk food. Friday night was a double dinner, followed by a japan night out until 6am, followed by ramen at 6am followed by sleeping in until 3pm. Sunday, was a bbq + izakaya + desserts. Tuesday was tiramisu + thousand layer crepe cake. lmao. Yesterday was.. just junk. sigh.

My sleeping has been messed up since I stopped using alarms. I’ve been sleeping at 3am and waking up around 1130. That quality of sleep is bad… and I feel that I lose my most productive hours. blargh.

Well. What’s the moral of the story? It’s a combination of you keep doing what you do and you keep getting what you got. Or rather… I think I’m at the point where I can no longer eat junk and workout to balance it out. Which is unfortunate… shit. I’m the oldest I’ve ever been. Actually, yesterday I was actually full. Like… to the point where I couldn’t eat. Normally I only get ‘full’ when I’m at an all you can eat buffet… but yesterday I got full from normal food. O.O. It’s a sign I’m getting old. lmao.

Someday I’ll write clean and concise articles for the entire world.. but for now it’s just for me. I gotta take care of myself first. I’ve been enjoying japan a little too much I think. Well. I told myself if I took an entire year off to play video games… it would be okay. But logging 100+ hours for FFXV and 100+ hours for Persona 5. That’s 200 hours. That’s…. uh. 5 weeks of full time work. At the same time… I haven’t been coding as much. Another lie to myself. I think it comes from not wanting to confront reality almost. In my mind… one app a month was so easy. It’s only 3 hours per day. I think 3 hours a day is actually doable… but that’s 3 hours of perfect coding zen. Which is kinda hard to get into.

I renewed my working holiday visa yesterday. It’s actually not completely renewed since I gotta go back once more once they mail me some shit. But that was essentially an entire day wasted. 1/365 of my japan was spent doing visa.

I guess something that’s good is that… I’ve been recently watching this time travel taxi drama on netflix raw. Not only is it expanding my Japanese vocabulary… since I can figure out the meaning of words via context and filling in the gaps… it’s also hella entertaining and funny. I guess it’s good that my Japanese is at the level of bootstrapped. This girl didn’t know the translation for metabolism and then I asked for the Japanese explanation and then I totally got it. hue. hue. hue.

I think I’m still struggling on finding the balance between work and play. I mean… work is almost play for me since I enjoy coding. But at the same time… playing video games is like… so much better.

Sigh. I guess… the moral of the story is… it’s time for me to truly eat healthy. I was watching this stand up comedian and he was like… McDonalds is poison. He was making fun of salads and healthy shit existing in McDonalds when you know it’s fucking poison. Desserts is so delicious… but it’s essentially poison. It makes me weaker and at this point is preventing me from reaching the fabled 5 minute miles and getting my gainz. Sigh. I guess… I gotta give it up. Desserts will only be once per week. Probably.

The thing is. My fridge is stocked with delicious goodness. And I don’t really believe in like… depriving yourself. It’s like… counter intuitive. I think… just suffering through a 5 minute run where my legs weighed like a ton… will definitely affect me the next few times I’m about to have dessert. So it’ll all work out for the better. But damn.

Recently, I’ve been taking it mentally easy. Sleeping in. Eating junk. Meditating poorly. I think… it kinda spills over. I can’t wait til spring is here and I don’t have to turn on the heater before hiding back into bed. Right now… I have two alarms. One to wake up and turn on the heater… and another to actually wake up. Man. I miss California.

tl;dr - junk food ruining my gainz. mental laziness spills over so don’t get lazy