sigh. so i negative spiraled a bit on making weekly posts, meditating and some of my other habits. In the case of writing daily posts… I think I made the excuse of wanting higher quality to make up for lower quality… but I don’t think I’m quite at the point where I should be focusing on quality quite yet. It’s like when you first start exercising. Any form of exercise is better than not exercising. There’s no point in focusing on which lifts to optimize for because just showing up and exercising is the most important. So now I’ll be aiming to hit my previous 115 day streak and then surpassing it.

So much of my behaviour is automatic and subconscious… it kinda blows my mind. I think it’s because we evolved from lizards and mammals. From the psychology/brain talks that I’ve listened from… there’s basically three brains insde of you. The reptilian brain, the mammal brain and the human brain. The animal brain always wants to save on computation and thinking… so tasks eventually get automated into your subconscious. I think that’s part of the reason why it’s harder to change when you’re older. You’re so use to one way of things… it’s in your subsconscious and automatic.

So I’ve been in a negative spiral. I uh… recently spent $200 on magic cards. To build two decks with lots of spare cards leftover. Sigh. I kinda got really carried away… also since I sold my two monitors I figured I could treat myself. It doesn’t really matter… it’s just that now I have more stuff. And at this point I don’t want more stuff.

The universe has aligned and I’ll be going to EDC this year. It’s always been on my mind and I’ve been wanting to go. My coworker has a ticket to sell me. My friends have extra space in their hotel + car. The two connections just available to me… I’d be crazy to not go. It’s like… just by subconsciously thinking about it… the opportunity to go just presented itself. I dunno. Maybe it’s like think and grow rich. I thought about EDC so much that I get to go without much real planning.

I overslept and skipped bay to breakers. It use to be a yearly event that I really looked forward to in SF. Felt like deja vu. Except this time I just let myself sleep and skip it versus forcing myself to go even though I was really tired and out of it. I’m still a bit torn on forcing self to do something or just letting it go. I think depending on the situation one is better… but honestly either one is fine. To go back on the consistency… the 1% matters. It compounds daily into a really big number. So focus on getting 1% better each day.

I was stage manager for the dance show at city college sf again. I’m all use to being a stage manager now. My only job with the word manager in it. If I do work though… I’m sure that I’ll reach manager/director/vp level. I guess this is enough for a first blog back after a hiatus. Life is good as always. If you focus on the positives… life is always good. :)