So I just got back from the gym. My legs weighed a ton each as I was trying to run on the treadmill. lmao. Sigh. The funny thing is… I kinda knew I wouldn’t be able to run… and lift and that I regressed. It’s like… I just wanted to avoid reality.

Today is Friday. Last week thursday was my rest day which consisted of cheesecake and junk food. Friday night was a double dinner, followed by a japan night out until 6am, followed by ramen at 6am followed by sleeping in until 3pm. Sunday, was a bbq + izakaya + desserts. Tuesday was tiramisu + thousand layer crepe cake. lmao. Yesterday was.. just junk. sigh.

My sleeping has been messed up since I stopped using alarms. I’ve been sleeping at 3am and waking up around 1130. That quality of sleep is bad… and I feel that I lose my most productive hours. blargh.

Well. What’s the moral of the story? It’s a combination of you keep doing what you do and you keep getting what you got. Or rather… I think I’m at the point where I can no longer eat junk and workout to balance it out. Which is unfortunate… shit. I’m the oldest I’ve ever been. Actually, yesterday I was actually full. Like… to the point where I couldn’t eat. Normally I only get ‘full’ when I’m at an all you can eat buffet… but yesterday I got full from normal food. O.O. It’s a sign I’m getting old. lmao.

Someday I’ll write clean and concise articles for the entire world.. but for now it’s just for me. I gotta take care of myself first. I’ve been enjoying japan a little too much I think. Well. I told myself if I took an entire year off to play video games… it would be okay. But logging 100+ hours for FFXV and 100+ hours for Persona 5. That’s 200 hours. That’s…. uh. 5 weeks of full time work. At the same time… I haven’t been coding as much. Another lie to myself. I think it comes from not wanting to confront reality almost. In my mind… one app a month was so easy. It’s only 3 hours per day. I think 3 hours a day is actually doable… but that’s 3 hours of perfect coding zen. Which is kinda hard to get into.

I renewed my working holiday visa yesterday. It’s actually not completely renewed since I gotta go back once more once they mail me some shit. But that was essentially an entire day wasted. 1/365 of my japan was spent doing visa.

I guess something that’s good is that… I’ve been recently watching this time travel taxi drama on netflix raw. Not only is it expanding my Japanese vocabulary… since I can figure out the meaning of words via context and filling in the gaps… it’s also hella entertaining and funny. I guess it’s good that my Japanese is at the level of bootstrapped. This girl didn’t know the translation for metabolism and then I asked for the Japanese explanation and then I totally got it. hue. hue. hue.

I think I’m still struggling on finding the balance between work and play. I mean… work is almost play for me since I enjoy coding. But at the same time… playing video games is like… so much better.

Sigh. I guess… the moral of the story is… it’s time for me to truly eat healthy. I was watching this stand up comedian and he was like… McDonalds is poison. He was making fun of salads and healthy shit existing in McDonalds when you know it’s fucking poison. Desserts is so delicious… but it’s essentially poison. It makes me weaker and at this point is preventing me from reaching the fabled 5 minute miles and getting my gainz. Sigh. I guess… I gotta give it up. Desserts will only be once per week. Probably.

The thing is. My fridge is stocked with delicious goodness. And I don’t really believe in like… depriving yourself. It’s like… counter intuitive. I think… just suffering through a 5 minute run where my legs weighed like a ton… will definitely affect me the next few times I’m about to have dessert. So it’ll all work out for the better. But damn.

Recently, I’ve been taking it mentally easy. Sleeping in. Eating junk. Meditating poorly. I think… it kinda spills over. I can’t wait til spring is here and I don’t have to turn on the heater before hiding back into bed. Right now… I have two alarms. One to wake up and turn on the heater… and another to actually wake up. Man. I miss California.

tl;dr - junk food ruining my gainz. mental laziness spills over so don’t get lazy