I’m getting fatter. Ohs no. But seriously, I’m the fattest I’ve ever been. It’s not surprising considering the fact that I’ve recently started eating extra large ramen 3 days a week. Thursday/Saturdays/Sundays are now ramen lunch days. Which is definitely not healthy. I also reduced my interval running and running in general since I was worried about overtraining causing me to not improve. We’ll see what happens after my vacation in the phillipines.

I started reading how time just goes by. On the shortness of life. It’s a pretty interesting book. It basically talks about how everyone feels like they’ll live forever, and then when it’s too late that they realized that their lives has passed them. Today, I was thinking about skipping jpop dance class. I didn’t skip, but a part of me really wanted to stay home and do nothing. Hard to explain why… I feel like doing nothing is literally the default state for me. Not sure if it’s just me or if it extends to humans in general. Probably just me. Anyways, I went to jpop dance class and of course, it was lots of fun. I got a solid dose of exercise. I didn’t want to do my sauna/ice bath/jacuzzi cycle. Actually, I always do enjoy it. And I look forward to it, but yet… I don’t really want to do it. Since… sauna is really hot, and ice bath is really cold. But then… the jacuzzi afterwards just feels so amazing. On my last cycle, I was just sitting alone in the manmade onsen. The place was so beautiful. I was all alone, enjoying the onsen. I could hear the train in the background, feel the breeze and just… it was a moment in the present that I really enjoyed. I wish I could capture the moment forever, I noticed it and tried to etch it into my memory. Me, living in Japan, relaxing after jpop dance and the cycle. The onsen, it’s just so amazing. I’m so thankful. And yet, right before that point in time… I didn’t even want to go to jpop dance class.

I recently finished reading the aziz anzari book on modern romance. It was a pretty interesting read, especially the part about Japan. There was a passage that stuck out to me, it’s was like. Comparing passionate love to compassionate love or whatever. There’s no point in chasing the passionate love all the time because it would be the equivalent of doing cocaine or ecstasy all the time. And of course, I agree. It doesn’t make sense to be doing cocaine all the time or whatever, but it made me think about my doing nothing. I mean… my default is doing nothing. In a way, the best thing that I enjoy is doing nothing. But if you told me that I could do nothing everyday for the rest of my life I’d be like… fuck. That be the same as just killing myself. It’s pointless and stupid.

So in a way it’s a weird paradox. I wanna do nothing all the time. But then, if I get to do nothing all the time it’d be dumb as fuck. It’s weird because… I really want to do nothing a lot of the time. Well, tomorrow I’m gonna be going to toudai for a festival. I’m pretty excited for that actually. It’s a once a year event at toudai. It’s like the toudai culture festival. Heh. And the reason that I found out about the culture festival is because… I started going to weekly toudai lunch activity where toudai people get together to just have lunch and chat. How did I start going to the toudai weekly gathering? Well, I went to a party that my friend invited me to - met a toudai phd student and asked him to show me around toudai. Wait, how did I meet the guy that organized the party? Oh. I met him at a Christmas party I went to with my friend who was visiting from America.

Funny right. All I wanna do is stay home and play video games… and yet tomorrow I have one of my most anticipated events which happened through a series of me leaving the house and not playing video games. So I think… in the end it’s all about discipline. You gotta do what you know is right or good even when you don’t feel like it.

Want to know something else that’s funny that I never thought I’d think or write about while on vacation in Japan? I was… “too tired to play video games”. Yep, I thought that and wrote that. I was too tired to play video games. What. The. Fuck. I’ve been getting…. 7~9 hours of sleep every day. I can take naps whenever I want. I eat whenever I want… and yet… I’m too tired to play video games. On vacation. In Japan. Uh. Yeah. That’s something that if you asked me if it was possible… I’d be no. That’s not. But… yeah. It happened. That… blows my mind.

Oh yeah. Back to getting fat. Shit. I’m old now. I’m almost 28. It’s the age where your metabolism slows down and people get fat. You know what’s funny? Metabolism slowing down only happens to other people, it wouldn’t happen to me. I actually thought that… when I saw that happen to my older friends. It’s like… pssh, it won’t happen to me. Even though I know it will.

I have a vision of what I want, and I work towards it. But I’m still always pulled by procrastination… and doing nothing. Well, I guess the good news is that I’m definitely getting better. I think now I’m at probably 4/7 days a week of commiting code to my side projects. I’m close to finishing Haskell 101. But it’s like… damn. Why do I still prefer to do nothing over working. Even though I enjoy working. Like… coding in my room, sennheiser 650… fridge stocked with goods. It’s the dream. And yet, I rather do nothing. The ultimate Alan paradox.

Oh yeah. The other day, I had an ice cream bar, a green tea ice cream sandwich, and a strawberry ice cream cone. Because, fuck it. Treat yoself. My fridge was stocked. Sigh. And I wonder why I struggle to run and that I’m getting fatter. /shrug. On the other hand… I hit a new personal deadlift record. I’m the fastest that I’ve ever been. Heh. I guess I’m still on the up and up. So life is good.

Well. Gonna play some video games and watch some anime. Life is pretty good. :)