My fitbit broke. I’m too cheap / lazy to buy a new one. I do want some type of heart monitoring for running, but… now that it’s gone I guess it’s back to being all mental. I mean… before fitbit I trained for a marathon blindly without knowing my heart rate… and I’m sure I can train blindly now. It’ll be fine.

I was randomly thinking about BJ Penn again. I remember writing about an article about how BJ Penn wasted his talents and that he had the ability to be the GOAT. I’ve been reading on the shortness of life. I think… people, myself included, just take things in the present for granted and then… it’s hard to face reality. It’s a combination of the world constantly evolving and the fact that time only moves forward. So at some point in time you’ll deterioriate and for me I feel like I’m just making bullshit excuses.

I mean, I’m the strongest and fastest that I’ve ever been. At the same time… it’s like. If only I had the present discipline in the past… I wonder what I could’ve been able to do. Instead of training for a shitty marathon time in 4 months I could’ve done so much more. /shrug.

So recently, I’ve been planning the rest of my time in Japan. It’s uh… shit son. June, July, August. That’s it. 90 days. Shit. 90 days, before my perfect schedule is over. Fuck. It’s like… I took it for granted. Sure, I’m hella productive… I already released 3 android apps on the play store, and I’m coding new backend features for something that I want to build. But at the same time… I spend 3 hours per day watching anime.

I mean… at some point your physical ability drops, and even now. Maybe I’m not fully pushing myself. I guess… I’m scared of growing old and wasting time. On the other hand, it’s not like I can be in the gym 24/7. It’s not that I’m scared of growing old, or even death. I mean. Death is inevitable because science is advancing slowly and the cure for aging won’t happen in my lifetime.

I forgot what I wanted to write. In my mind I had this brilliant piece of writing comparing myself to BJ Penn. I think I’m trying my best. But… maybe I’m not. And it’ll be too late when I actually put in 100% mental percent. Well. I do subscribe to the philosophy of there’s a right way, wrong way, and my way. And I do things my way. So in the end… it’s all good. Hakuna matata.