Wow. I just watched… soo crush classic live. Soo in his 6th GSL finals. It blows my mind. Shit. I can’t help but want to cheer for him.

But… at the same time. I gotta stop. Because Soo winning / losing is outside my control. I shouldn’t want something to happen either way. Whatever happens happens. That’s for the best. It’s a mixture of stoicism and surrender. I think that’s my new outlook on life.

Man. It’s like… ego vs letting go. But when you let go… to me my ego is telling me that it’s equivalent to giving up. Or not being able to make it. And there’s no way I’m not able to make it. I’ll always make it if it’s possible.. so it’s like. Conflict yo. Ego vs surrender. Accepting things as they are and not wanting a specific future. That’s kinda hard. I think it’s not the wanting that’s bad… it’s the grasping. Hard to explain. You can want to shape your future, but you gotta be okay with whatever happens. I really want Soo to win the finals. Honestly… it’s like a cycle. He looks unstoppable prior to the finals and then… he chokes / crashes. Blargh. Whatever. I guess I’m okay with him losing.

So I’m mostly recovered. Gonna have 2 solid hours to write some code today. After Phillippines I took another 6 day vacation recovering. I learned that physical sickness makes me mentally weak beyond belief. I guess shitting yourself will break you mentally. At the same time… now that I’m mostly recovered from the stomach virus or whatever. I feel all powered up. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I am a saiyan after all. I can feel my power rising. LOL. It’s like. Damn. I’m so strong now.

The mental thing. The feeling over my mental power getting stronger than before. It’s just… surprising I guess. I mean. Physically, you don’t go from 0 to beyond your max. But mentally, you can literally go from negative to like… an uber badass overnight. There’s like no mental limit to how strong you can become. Or. Is there? Either way… I’m feeling pretty unstoppable right about now.

So. To conclude. Physical sickness makes me mentally weak. I guess mental sickness would make me mentally weak… but to my knowledge I have no mental sickness. I’m back. Stronger and better than ever. Heh.