I finally got my stash tab for the D3 season. I feel pretty badass. Clearing a greater rift level 75 is surprisingly not that trivial. well. it’s trivial if you put in the proper hours and grind I guess. but… for the longest time… I was playing with a broken osx install that would just randomly hang. So I would reach the boss and then my computer would freeze and I would lose 10 minutes of my life. Or I’d be at the last bounty and my computer would freeze and then I’d lose 20 minutes of my life. what was dumb… was that I kept playing the game in that condition. It’s made me nervous. whenever there was a graphical slowdown. please don’t let it hang and me lose my progress. It was like this for 3 weeks. Then one day… it happened twice. I lost 30 minutes of my life consecutively. I was like. Fuck. This. Shit. and I fixed my OSX. since them the game never froze and I never lost progress. For the longest time… I was playing with a broken system. and that was fucking me up mentally and… in terms of the results. all it took was an hour of my life to take a step back. and fix it. that one hour probably could’ve saved me 20 hours had I done it sooner. it undoubtedly saved me 20 hours since. but it’s like. damn. sometimes you just need to take a step back and fix shit.

I’ve been… kinda sleep deprived recently. I’ve been getting weaker… and fatter… sleep deprived has been ruining my mood and uh… just making me negative and cranky. Today though… I just finished reading the secret. And I realized… I was attracting the negative sleep into my life… and the weakness and the excuses. I’ve been having shitty sleep and that makes me anxious and worried about the shitty sleep. And as a result I just keep getting shitty sleep. I just need to know that I can control my sleep and that I can give myself great sleep. I’m sure I’ll sleep like a baby tonight and feel great. I’ve been feeling weak… and struggling in the gym. I’m like barely late June level of fitness. Which is sad… it means that I spent two months regressing.

But it’s not true. The lack of sleep is just temporary. Once I fix the lack of sleep. My results and fitness will come back. I think… I keep thinking that I’ve hit a physical plateau… and my thinking is causing the plateau. It’s time to remove that thinking. There’s still some… negative thought patterns that I have… that I don’t catch right away, and it just… makes my life harder than it needs to be. It’s time for me to notice the negative thoughts and to … fix them earlier.

I killed a spider today. I had to wear gloves and shit. But… I think a large part of my fear of spiders is simply… the resistance and hate that I have towards it. It’s like… each time I kill a spider… it’s a struggle and that struggle and negativity actually makes it worse. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Honestly, it isn’t. I’ve killed so many spiders.

Man. It’s like. Life is just a serious of cycles and loops. Relearning what I’ve learned and reapplying it. It’s like. You fix your mistakes. Then you realize that there were more mistakes. That just repeats. I know I’ll never be perfect, but for now. To make my life better I just gotta be more aware, of my thoughts and actions.

I’m super thankful. My Japan year has been… almost perfect. It’s literally a dream come true.

I’ve been thinking about the struggle of selling my shit. I thought that it would be hard. And so far… there’s been no buyers. but. I KNOW that it’ll be easy. And worse case is I pay like $200 and throw all my shit away. Which I’m totally okay with. There’s no need to worry or be negative. I don’t give a fuck. Life is great.

I’ll find a great seller and life will move on. This is me. Thinking positive and attracting my future. I’ll sell all my shit by next week sunday. And be packed and all ready for China.

I’m actually looking forward to china and hong kong. I really miss pineapple oil. But. Life is great. You’ll always miss things. But. Appreciate what you got.